I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about friends with benefits. He didn’t understand why a situation like that could get tricky. So I started thinking, do friends with benefits relationships really work?
A lot of people at this time in their life are not looking to settle down in serious relationships, but at the same time they have needs that need to be met, so they opt for friends with benefits relationships instead. Believe me, I understand why. As Queen Latifah said in Brown Sugar, “You get the buddy and the booty.” Who wouldn’t love that? No serious commitment and you don’t have to answer to anyone, allowing you to technically still be single. Now there isn’t anything wrong with the friends with benefits situation as long as both parties are on the same page, but after being in that situation for months, do the friends with benefits relationships continue to work?
I’m sure most of you know what friends with benefits means, but for those of you who don’t, let me briefly clarify. Those who engage in friends with benefits relationships are currently friends; they chat often through various forms of communication (bbm, gchat, text), they hang out together and in group settings and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The benefits portion of that relationship would include engaging in physical activities (use your imagination and you’ll get the point) without being emotionally involved. All of this takes place, but they are NOT in a relationship.
I know a few friends who have jumped into “friends with benefits” situations and while they start off innocent, someone ends up catching feelings. Now when this occurs, what do you do? The arrangement was to be friends and physical when you wanted to, but the agreement didn’t include catching feelings and actually wanted to be more than friends.
Those who jump into these “relationships” always say “I won’t catch feelings, it’s purely innocent.” But it never fails, someone ends up catching feelings. How can you not? You hang out with them frequently and you get physical. Over time it’s only natural that feelings develop and the nature of the friendship isn’t ever really the same.
I’ll admit I found myself in an unspoken friends with benefits situation in the past and one of us caught feelings. As guarded and hard core as I may come across sometimes, I’m not sure if I could ever agree to be in that type of “relationships” because I don’t want to be the fool that ends up wanting more out of the situation. So I ask all of you, can friends with benefits really work? Is it even worth entertaining this type of relationships to meet a physical need, knowing that the situation could get tricky over time?
August 5th, 2010 on 3:34 pm
FWB relationships are tricky. Unfortunately for women yall usually are the ones that end up catching feelings. Men have the ability to seperate emotions more because we naturally are built like that. Lack of emotions and the desire to “conquer” as many women as possible. With that being said I can see them working only for a very unique few. I think they can work if the FWB isnt the only person that is commanding their attention. You have to be at least dating or getting courted by another party so that all of your emotions arent directed at the FWB.
August 5th, 2010 on 4:41 pm
Its always worth trying. Not gonna lie, I catch some feelings but u gotta know y u got into it. U say its physical and u gotta stick to ur guns and not jump out there.
U do that and ull b straight.
August 5th, 2010 on 4:55 pm
“Friends with Benefits” is a stupid concept. If you want “physical activity” with no strings attached, then why would you choose a close friend with whom you “speak frequently and hang out with often”? That’s a recipe for disaster if you don’t want anyone to catch any feelings. If I’m already spending this time with you because I enjoy your company, adding the physical is only going to up the ante. Now a “Casual Acquaintance w/ Benefits” is a different story. At the end of the day, you’re never going to be able to control the level of feelings that someone may develop for you (or that you may develop) despite the relationship, or lack thereof. Honesty and respect can go a long way though.
August 24th, 2010 on 11:49 pm
Tamara brings up a good point about the difference between a friend and a casual acquaintance. I think it’s tough when it starts as a casual acquaintance and then evolves into friendship when things become physical. Eventually, in either scenario, someone is bound to develop feelings. I guess it’s better to lose a casual acquaintance than a friend, but when sex is involved, I become friends with a guy pretty quickly.
Great post, Diva!