Courtesy trulylovable.com
This year has been one of the biggest years of growth for me. And while I’m growing and learning more about myself and what it is I hope to accomplish in life, I’ve also found myself more than ever re-evaluating my friendships and the roles people play in my life.
I think we naively believe that the people who are currently in our lives are supposed to be there forever especially if we have known each other for years. But I’ve come to realize the length of time that I’ve known someone doesn’t determine whether or not a true friendship really exists. Friendship, like any relationship, takes work and effort from both parties. If you’re not giving 100%, why should I?
As an only child, friendships are invaluable to me; the people in my life are the brothers and sisters I’ve never had, but when I begin to feel that my love, support, and loyalty is unappreciated and not reciprocated, my mind begins to wonder. Maybe certain people are in my life for a season and that season has or is coming to an end; maybe their roles in my life have changed.
As we get older and our priorities change, I challenge each of you think about the people in your life. Are the people you surround yourself with around for a reason, season or lifetime? Are those you consider your true friends people you can rely on in a time of need, share your biggest fears, share a life changing moment and trust to have your back?
On the flip side, do you need to take a moment and look in the mirror to determine whether or not you’re living up to your end of your friendships? We’re not all destined to be true friends; some of us will truly only hang out when it is someone’s birthday or someone we know has a cookout. And before now, that would have bothered me because I strive to develop a real relationship with everyone that I know. People used to always say the older you get the fewer friends you will have. As uncomfortable as that has been for me to deal with in the past, I think I’m finally ok with that concept.
What do you believe to be the TRUE meaning of friendship? How’d you deal with the realization that those that were supposed to be with you for a lifetime may not be or their roles changed from what you thought it would be your life.
September 15th, 2010 on 4:49 pm
This was a great blog! The thing you also have to realize is that people go through phases. People get married, have children, meet new friends, fall in love, just grow apart. Its nothing that you have done personally. These are just natural progressions of life. When you are trying to meet new people sometimes the old friends in your life take the back seat. Its not that they care less about you or value your friendship less. Its just the fact that they are attempting to lay the ground work for this new friendship which you have already established. This happens with family as well. Personally I haven’t spoken to my sister in about a month; that doesn’t mean she’s deleted from being my sister or that I love her less because the bond that we have is so strong that I don’t have to talk to her for a year and I know that when I need her or vice versa we’ve got each others backs.The big thing about friendships and any relationship in life is communication. People typically don’t communicate face to face, instead we spread rumors, “throw shade”, write blogs, or tell others how we feel about a person and the way we feel. If these people are truly your friends than you can approach them face to face and let them know that you feel neglected or that your value is less than the new friends they have. If your friendship can’t stand the test of an “argument” or conversation then maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Maybe you were just friends out of convenience and its better that you found out now than later down the line. In closing, don’t be so quick to give up on those around you. Although they don’t always say it. Your friendship is valued and cherished. Or look into that mirror you spoke of and recognize the ways that you have changed and developed. Maybe your new friends don’t mesh with the old ones or your lifestyle is developing in a different direction; which is perfectly normal. We all develop, move forward, learn new things, meet new people, etc. If you feel this way, I’m sure there is someone else that feels the same way about you. Would you want them to write you off?
September 15th, 2010 on 8:06 pm
I’ve really never assumed that any friendship was meant to last forever; but that’s my own issue. I agree with you wholeheartedly, though, that positive & lasting friendships take effort on both sides. I have given up on a few friendships b/c I was putting in way more effort than the other person. After a while, that gets really old. I know we all have lives (and sometimes kids, spouses, etc.) but any relationship worth having is worth investing in. No investment, no return.
September 16th, 2010 on 4:07 pm
I’m not a blogger so I’ll keep this short. What are our values, mission, and goal in life? If the people we surround yourself around do not align with that then re-evaluating our situation is not a bad idea. As we grow and mature our relationships should grow and mature with us. I don’t think you should write people off but we should always maintain a real relationship with people that has dignity and integrity. I know it might be easier said then done but if we all practiced it we may end up in a better place at the end.