I was watching “Love & Hip-Hop” last night (don’t ask me why), and Chrissy, Jim Jones’ girlfriend of six years, proposed to him in front of a group of family and friends. She knew that her future included Jim as her husband, so she took the next step in their relationship to try and make that a reality (of course we’ll have to wait until next week to find out if he says yes). While I understand why Chrissy proposed, she has been with Jim Jones for six years; if he hasn’t proposed after all that time, is he really interested in getting married? More importantly, does he want to be married to Chrissy?
If you knew your boyfriend was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, would you be as bold as Chrissy and propose? I’m not talking about a casual “we should get married.” I mean a real proposal, ideally how you’d want him to propose to you. Society has taught us that the man should propose. But in the year 2011, when more women are courting men (asking them out on dates, paying for dates, etc) is it really a society faux pas to ask a man to be your husband?
I believe a man should ask for a women’s hand in marriage. It’s an unspoken rule. While the male/female dynamic in relationships have become so untraditional these days, a man proposing to a woman is one tradition that should not change. That is a moment in time when a man has decided he is ready to settle down and truly commit himself to one woman for the rest of his life. For men, that’s a big deal!!! Plus, who wouldn’t want a man to go through the entire proposal process from buying the ring, planning the proposal and seeking parents (especially the father’s) approval?
While I do believe in this gender role, I do understand why a woman may take it upon herself to propose. Ok maybe I don’t really understand, but here are some possible reasons: she may feel like a guy should not have to deal with the pressure of being the one responsible for taking the relationship to the next level. Or she may feel like she should not have to wait around for him to step up to the plate. If he hasn’t stepped up in terms of moving the relationships forward, by proposing, a woman may actually be saving herself some time and energy because if he says no she will really know it is time to move on.
I can’t explain a woman’s frame of mind in terms of proposing to her man. What I do know is this: if a man wants to marry you, he will step up and act accordingly. It’s really that simple. If you’ve been in a relationship as long as Chrissy has with Jim Jones and he hasn’t made strides towards marriage, something you really want, it is probably not going to happen. He’s just not that into marrying you.
So the question is simple, ladies, would you propose to your man?
Fellas, what do you think about women proposing? Would you want your woman to propose or is that something you feel is your responsibility?
April 21st, 2011 on 5:42 am
I have a lot to say on this subject, but to start with I’ll just say NO, a woman need not and should not propose to any man. It’s not the natural order, and in my opinion is a recipe for foolishness.
The Bible says, when a MAN finds a wife he has found a good thing. It is written in this order for a reason so it would behoove us all to follow suit.
1)“I do understand why a woman may take it upon herself to propose…” I don’t. A MAN is SUPPOSED to deal with the pressure of being the one responsible for taking the relationship to the next level. Men are the head of the household and family, and as such he should be the one to ask for the woman’s hand in marriage in creating the household. If a woman were to propose then she would be the head of the household and of course that would lead to all kinds of ego and other unnecessary issues… why you ask? Bc it’s not the natural order. Men are the ones to take on the role of care giver and bearing the pressure and responsibility of protecting their families. If proposing to me is too much for him and his mental psyche, how on earth is he going to be able to take care of me and our family if times get tough…. Yeah he probably won’t. Doesn’t sound like any kind of man I would want to marry.
2)“She may feel like she should not have to wait around for him to step up to the plate. If he hasn’t stepped up in terms of moving the relationships forward, by proposing, a woman may actually be saving herself some time and energy because if he says no she will really know it is time to move on.”…. Again, I must disagree.
At our age, and clearly at this woman’s age, 6 yrs is plenty enough time to figure out where a relationship is or is not headed; especially if the topic of marriage hasn’t even been brought up or discussed. At that point time and energy have already been wasted. No woman should have to wait for a man to “step up to the plate”, if he hasn’t done it already he’s not the one for you so keep it moving. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about men in my 26 years it’s that when they want something and their energies are focused on it nothing and no one will stand in their way of getting it. No woman should want a man that has to take that long to decide whether or not he feels like he can be and wants to be committed to them. If he wants you he will make sure that he will have you and no one else can. Ie. Commitment, Proposal, and Marriage.
I know I’ve been wordy, but in closing I say that women need to start holding their men more accountable. Men can only do or not do what we allow them to. It’s this lady’s fault that she hasn’t been proposed to yet and felt that she had to propose to this man. If she wanted to be married she should have spoken up a long time ago. I feel like she’s made the bed she’s lying in right now. At 6yrs in it should have been more of an ultimatum, and no I do not mean a proposal, or a chucking of the deuces. She really needed to have read “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” by Michelle McKinney Hammond. Definitely a good read, and puts a lot into perspective for the unmarried woman.
April 21st, 2011 on 5:51 am
I have a lot to say on this subject, but to start with I’ll just say NO, a woman need not and should not propose to any man. It’s not the natural order, and in my opinion is a recipe for foolishness.
The Bible says, when a MAN finds a wife he has found a good thing. It is written in this order for a reason so it would behoove us all to follow suit.
1)“I do understand why a woman may take it upon herself to propose…” I don’t. A MAN is SUPPOSED to deal with the pressure of being the one responsible for taking the relationship to the next level. Men are the head of the household and family, and as such he should be the one to ask for the woman’s hand in marriage in creating the household. If a woman were to propose then she would be the head of the household and of course that would lead to all kinds of ego and other unnecessary issues… why you ask? Bc it’s not the natural order. Men are the ones to take on the role of care giver and bearing the pressure and responsibility of protecting their families. If proposing to me is too much for him and his mental psyche, how on earth is he going to be able to take care of me and our family if times get tough…. Yeah he probably won’t. Doesn’t sound like any kind of man I would want to marry.
2)“She may feel like she should not have to wait around for him to step up to the plate. If he hasn’t stepped up in terms of moving the relationships forward, by proposing, a woman may actually be saving herself some time and energy because if he says no she will really know it is time to move on.”…. Again, I must disagree.
At our age, and clearly at this woman’s age, 6 yrs is plenty enough time to figure out where a relationship is or is not headed; especially if the topic of marriage hasn’t even been brought up or discussed. At that point time and energy have already been wasted. No woman should have to wait for a man to “step up to the plate”, if he hasn’t done it already he’s not the one for you so keep it moving. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about men in my 26 years it’s that when they want something and their energies are focused on it nothing and no one will stand in their way of getting it. No woman should want a man that has to take that long to decide whether or not he feels like he can be and wants to be committed to them. If he wants you he will make sure that he will have you and no one else can. Ie. Commitment, Proposal, and Marriage.
I know I’ve been wordy, but in closing I say that women need to start holding their men more accountable. Men can only do or not do what we allow them to. It’s this lady’s fault that she hasn’t been proposed to yet and felt that she had to propose to this man. If she wanted to be married she should have spoken up a long time ago. I feel like she’s made the bed she’s lying in right now. At 6yrs in it’s time to either give him an ultimatum, and no I do not mean a proposal, or gets to chucking the deuces. She needed to have read “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” by Michelle McKinney Hammond. Definitely a good read, and puts a lot into perspective for the unmarried woman.
April 21st, 2011 on 5:54 am
Ok so i posted before actually watching the clip… That was pure tomfoolery. But at least she had the sense not to wear that net of nothingness she originally had on SMH.
April 21st, 2011 on 11:43 am
It’s so funny I was watching the show that night thinking what is it coming to women proposing I guess I can see why but I agree if he hasn’t proposed yet he’s not ready…also in todays time things are already so un-traditional that’s one thing I feel a man should step up its there life moment….
I do like the show(guilty pleasure) and I think crissy is cool I’m curious to see what Jim Jones mom is talking about!
April 21st, 2011 on 1:08 pm
The guy I dated in college his girlfriend now wife proposed to him…Some people are in love with the idea of getting married not being married…I agree guys should propose cause as women we pretty much know when we are ready to settle down…IF YOU HAVE BEEN DATING A GUY PASS THREE YEARS AND YOU ARE COMMITTED LIVING TOGETHER AS “MARRIED COUPLE” THEN WHAT IS HE REALLY WAITING FOR??? “OH I FORGOT WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE” After six years clearly she’s loyal in the words of Beyonce and MJ “Put a ring on it” or “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE”
April 21st, 2011 on 4:45 pm
Nope. Absolutely not….
A friend’s grammy likes to remind us young ladies: men chase & women choose. That’s basic biology [ok, I can't prove that...but].
I’ve never seen a really successful relationship where the woman wanted the man more than the man wanted her. Chrissy has accepted 6 years of no ring, proposing isn’t going to change that. If he wanted her as his wife, she would be that by now.
Men that want you don’t tarry.
April 22nd, 2011 on 1:06 am
As a man, I will just say I am not comfortable with a woman proposing to a man. I think that your post characterizes why I would be uncomfortable – relationships are a two way street, but still, it just seems to me that this is the one point the man truly demonstrates his commitment to covenant, and in exchange, the woman is choosing to do those things that complete the bond. For some that is changing their last name and allowing their husband to fill the role of head of household.
April 22nd, 2011 on 12:57 pm
NO, NO, and NO!!!! I’m not usually the one to say what people should or shouldn’t do in relationships but this is just SAD. No woman should ever have to ask a man to marry her. Where were her REAL friends to advise her against this?! I wish one of my girls would come talkin to me about proposing to their man… I wish I had something profound to add but it just ain’t right! I don’t watch the terrible show so did he even say yes????
April 22nd, 2011 on 1:05 pm
The show ended with her proposing. I think viewers won’t know until next week
April 22nd, 2011 on 6:11 pm
I’d have to go with a huge “NO!” on this one. I’m not so much caught up in the gender roles piece, but I do truly believe that if the guy doesn’t ask, he doesn’t want to and/or isn’t ready. I don’t want to guilt or badger a guy into marriage. That’s a recipe for failure.
April 22nd, 2011 on 6:18 pm
BTW – the preview of Jim’s response was posted on Facebook. Still SMH.
May 2nd, 2011 on 10:41 pm
Hello, I did propose to my husband. I really didn’t consider it a proposal, I did not get down on my knee or anything like that. He was in the military and was home and leave and in a very romantic moment I said something like “well, when are we getting married?”.
That was many years ago, and now this is the second time in about a week I’ve seen this question asked.
As women, we are supposed to be equal, have rights, work in the boardrooms, why not ask your man, I mean we don’t leave everything else to men.
Why should we just leave clues, what is wrong with asking, I think we will know when it is right.
December 30th, 2011 on 7:54 pm
Hell NO!!
Kia
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/down-low-baller-kia-jones/1106278510?ean=2940013340978&itm=1&usri=down+low+baller