Jill Scott is not only creating a lot of buzz surrounding her new album, but she’s also creating a lot of discussions regarding her recent tweets on open relationships:
“What do you think about “open relationships? Been considering.
Many friends are making it work. Not sure if I’m that girl but not sure if I’m not. Sometimes there’s an understanding that nobody else gets.
I’m certain of what I want and deserve. Still so many marriages fail. Worth the questions. Worth the thought. For some it’s a turn on.”
While a number of people do engage in this type of relationship, the buzz around Jill Scott’s tweets does raise two questions: what is the true meaning of an open relationship and why would two people in a relationship agree to have one?
According to Wikipedia, an open relationship is:
a relationship in which the people involved agree that they want to be together, but in which romantic or sexual relationships with additional people are accepted, permitted or tolerated.
Now that we all know the real definition of an open relationship, why would two people agree to have one? Is it suppose to keep things spicy in their own relationship? If two people are married, does it allow them to enjoy the benefits of marriage but seek whatever is “missing” without having to divorce?
I don’t know the answer to why someone would agree to this arrangement, but what I do know is that I wouldn’t be one of them. In my opinion, an open relationship is technically cheating on your spouse, but you’re not calling it cheating because you both agreed to the arrangement. Not only do you run the risk of catching something if either spouse decides not to practice safe sex, but you also run the risk of someone becoming emotionally attached to whomever they are seeing outside of the relationship? Then what?
I would never entertain the idea of open relationships. If I’m in a relationship with a guy, I have agreed to be in a monogamous relationship. Being in a relationship means that two people have committed to being with each other, no one else. The only sexual and romantic relationship going on will be between the two of us! I mean, if you’re going to have an open relationship, why not stay single and just date??
What are your thoughts on open relationships? Have you ever been in one? Have you considered having an open relationship?
August 5th, 2011 on 2:37 pm
Many people have open relationships because of the sense of control they get, but the truth is that sense of control is a perception & you’re really giving away all of your control in a one-sided relationship (you’re are essentially telling the person that they are so crucial to your happiness that you’re willing to do anything to keep them).
I’m sure the disagreement will come under the familiar battle cry(s) of “People (men) are gonna do what they want anyway. All people (men) lie. You can’t change a player’s game in the ninth inning” and so on.
But the real question is: “Why have a relationship at all”.
Intimacy, at it’s core, is trust. You’re trusting your emotional health (followed by your mental & physical health) to a person who has accepted the responsibility of caring for and protecting them (and in turn, you assume the responsibility for them).
If the individual’s personal DESIRES are more important than the needs of the person they accepted responsibility for (…and they are needs, as you have specifically looked for and selected a person to do for you the thing that you can’t do for yourself, no man is capable of being his/her own companion), how much love does this individual really have and how true is it?
Sacrifices made in love become the gifts of a well-forged and naturally unbreakable bond, which is why we want to be in love in the first place. We all want the unconditional acceptance of someone who CHOOSES to be one with us, knowing all of our faults.
To openly support and grow the potential we have in ourselves. To be the unbiased party that chooses to demonstrate our worth because they want to…
Not because they to hide the evidence of issues with their own sense of worth.
August 8th, 2011 on 12:22 am
I wouldn’t feel comfortable in this type of relationship, but I know several couples in which this situation works. Different strokes, right? (Pun intended.)