Maybe I am having a quarter life crisis. I don’t know, but what I do know is that lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m just going through the motions. Maybe this is my mind and body’s reaction to being overwhelmed. With a recent 2 week job furlough (yes I was one of the 4,000 furloughed that was talked about all over the news), anxiously wanting my business to take off, housing stuff, the desire to continue to work on maintaining strong positive friendships and now car issues resulting from an event this past weekend, this girl is emotionally spent.
I, like so many others, have a daily routine. I wake up in the morning, go to work for 9 hours, maybe attend an after work event and then go home. By Thursday, I’m trying to figure out what I will be doing for the weekend and once that’s decided, I just go with it. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like I have lost a true connection with the people and things around me.
Referencing to the car event I mentioned earlier. This past weekend I was driving in the rain and I end up sliding literally across all 6 lanes of the road, meaning I jumped the median and ended up facing ongoing traffic. This has resulted in my car needing a lot of work in order to be repaired. Thankfully no traffic was coming in that direction and no one was standing on the median, otherwise I or someone else may not be here today.
As you can imagine, I was completely frightened and I’m still frightened at the thought of how Saturday could’ve turned out. At the same time, I also feel like that was a wakeup call; God was trying to get my attention. I still haven’t figured exactly what He was trying to tell me. Was that His way of letting me know that there is more to life than just doing? Is it time to change some things so I can really feel because my heart is longing for more?
I rarely write an extremely personal post, so I don’t sit here and write this one for sympathy. Instead I write it because someone else may be feeling the way I feel or someone may have experienced what I am feeling and provide some insight. I don’t know what the best solution is to “cure” oneself of going through the motions. How I feel is something I’m not sure I have ever felt before. No worries; this doesn’t mean I’m going to isolate myself from the world. It just means I am seeking for more and hope through prayer and patience I can find out what that is. I look forward to the day where I no longer feel like I am just doing and not being because I know when I reach that place, it will be a wonderful feeling.