Me: I’ll just chill and crush from afar. I rather live vicariously through my friends.
One of my girlfriends: Okay but don’t make that your life story. You gotta be BOLD sometimes. Remember, you are not here to be a witness.
During a recent chat with my girlfriends, I inquired about what they do in order to stay out of a guy’s friend zone. I met a guy who is really nice and we went out to happy hour (the idea to go out was approached on a friendship level), however afterwards I thought to myself “I’m not sure I want to be placed in the friend zone just yet.” Can I say I really like a guy after one outing? I’m not sure. But I can say that I am intrigued and would be interested in getting to know him. Some would say that in 2014, if a woman is interested in a guy, she should say something and not be afraid to ask him out. That’s the same advice I received from my girlfriends but of course I punked out.
It seems the older I get the more dating comes up with my parents. They haven’t pressured me into being married by now (I’m thankful for that), but every now and then my dad will ask “so are you dating anyone?” During my birthday lunch, somehow we got on the topic of dating and we talked how women should not be afraid to approach a guy if she’s interested; if you like what you see speak up! As I have heard time and time again, you cannot sit on the couch and expect something to happen. You have to put in time and effort. During my birthday party, one of my girlfriends Samantha asked about my single guy friend Charles because she thought he was cute. I asked her if she wanted to be introduced and she immediately said yes. I did my part and introduced them; they have been dating for the past month. Then last week, another friend called while she was on her way to go play pool with a guy she met the night before at Walmart.
So I started thinking, am I putting myself in a position to be a witness to life instead of participating in it, especially when it comes to my dating life? Don’t get me wrong, dating is not easy. But am I really doing all that I can to put myself in a position to present new dating opportunities? As much as I say I want to date and put it on my vision board each year, I think subconsciously I have a fear of liking someone and being rejected again (based on many previous experiences). That cycle can get exhausting. I have become very comfortable with my single status. But sometimes comfortable isn’t really living and after awhile, it allows you to be a witness to what is going on around you instead of participating.
You are not here to be a witness not only relates to the dating life of a single girl who is almost 30 (seriously, where the hell did the time go???) but it also applies to life in general. Often times, we sit back and watch others LIVE. They are checking things off their bucket list. They try something new. They step outside their comfort zone which leads them to a path of fulfillment and purpose. They grab life by the horns and enjoy each and every moment. That’s the life I want to live. I rather live a life of “oh wells” instead of “what ifs.” I want to say “well at least I tried” even if that means embarrassing myself.
I don’t normally have a motto for the year, but you are not here to be a witness just might be it for 2014. Dating is not the only area in my life that I feel like I have allowed myself to become a witness. And now that I have acknowledged that, I must be proactive in changing my behavior; not allowing myself to become comfortable. You are not here to be a witness is a nice reminder that we are not alive to sit on the sidelines and watch things happen. We are here to be an active participant in this journey called life.
Hmmm….Now should I call this guy and ask him if he wants to go out this weekend?
