A Diva State of Mind

If you found out that someone knowingly slept with you while they were HIV positive, could you forgive them?

The new unfinished documentary, 25 to Life, William Brawner is seeking forgiveness.  He was diagnosed with HIV at 18 months old through a blood transfusion.  At the time, HIV was not understood by the world. To avoid discrimination, Brawner’s family decided to keep his status a secret which meant they never spoke about it.  Brawner had unprotected sex with numerous women throughout college and failed to inform them of his status.  25 years later, he is ready to let the world know of his status and that means contacting all of the women whose lives he may have changed forever.

It is disgusting that William Brawner slept with all of these women and didn’t tell them of his status.  At the same time, women need to be more responsible for their bodies. Use protection and know the status of your partners!  No one will protect you better than you can.

This past summer, Modern Day Matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson issued a summer dating challenge for women. He’s back with a similar challenge this holiday season.  By January 1st, 2012, us single ladies are challenged to ask and go out on at least 10 dates with 10 different men! I know you’re probably wondering, “how are we going to do that?!” Well, it looks like we have to be big girls and take the initiative to ask 10 men out on a date.

Known as the #PCBChallenge on twitter, there are 10 reasons women should participate according to Brunson:

1. Men Are Open To Being Asked Out

2. It’s Not Emasculating

3. You Don’t Really Have To Pay

4. It’s a confidence booster

5. Increase Your Social Skills

6. Comparison Investing Is The Way To Go

7. It’s Time To Do Things Differently

8. Nothing Just Happens

9. Brunson has seen It Work

10.  If Brunson Is Wrong, He’ll Owe You

Over the summer, one of my friends encouraged me to take this similar challenge but I failed miserably! I don’t think I went on one single date because I did not take the initiative to ask. I haven’t decided if I’m going to try the holiday challenge, but I guess I should decide soon since we literally have 5 weeks left in 2011.  I mean I may not find 10 guys to ask on a date between now and January 1st, but one is better than none right?  Plus who wouldn’t want to gain some of the benefits Brunson listed above?

Ladies, are you up for the Modern Day Matchmaker Holiday Dating Challenge? To officially enter, Go to www.facebook.com/PaulCBrunson and post on the wall or tweet @PaulCBrunson stating “I take the #PCBchallenge.” Then identify 10 men and go on dates.  The final step is to report to Brunson on January 2nd with an overview of your process and results.

For more information on the 10 reasons you should participate in the challenge, click HERE.

I have reached a point of frustration when it comes to my dating life. I’m not even sure you can call it a dating life since it has really been non-existent since I was of the dating age.  But when it comes to my interaction with males, it’s really starting to take its toll on my esteem.

Over the years, I’ve been told that I’m pretty, I’m “wifey” material and any man would be lucky to be with me.  However time and time again I have found that those qualities are not good enough or not what men are really looking for.  More often than not, I have found myself interacting with guys who, at the end of the day, think I’m only good enough to flirt with; never anything more.

I will admit that in the past, when it came to dating, I was a little reserved.  But over the last few years, I made a vow to be more open to giving guys my number and appearing more available. I mean, I’m not getting any younger and if I do want to eventually be in a relationship, I have to be proactive right?

So I took the advice of friends to be less reserved and even after doing so I have gotten nowhere!  I gave one guy my number and later found out the reason he never called to ask me out was because I look like I require too much. What exactly is that suppose to mean?! Can men these days not handle a confident, educated, driven, caring and social woman? If that is the case, then I, along with so many other women I know, are in a lot of trouble when it comes to dating!

Now I know some will say “there are plenty of guys that are out there, but you’d never give them a chance.”  However, I do believe that there has to be an attraction from both parties in order for there to be an interest in dating.  This may be one of the many problems contributing to my current status, but I’m just being honest.

The older we get the more serious we become about relationships. I have two friends that were married within the last year while a number of others are in relationships. It never really bothered me before but now that I’m now closer to 30 than 19 (my dad’s saying, not mine), I begin to take a more serious look at finding a mate.

I know I will be in a relationship when the time is right and at this point I have to truly believe that. I do not pray to God to find me a mate; instead I pray that I be ready when he arrives. I understand, I’m currently on my grind to get my business going and continuing to work toward moving past a place of just being so right now probably is not a good time to focus on dating. All I do know that is after hearing one thing (you’re great, you’re so fly, etc), but experiencing another (not being enough) for so long, no matter what I believe, I can’t help but entertain the question, is there something wrong with me?

I am currently reading Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Single Edition and I love it! It is one book I think everyone MUST read.  The first book, The Five Love Languages, is for all of you married couple out there.

According to Chapman, we all have a primary love language out of a list of five:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

While I won’t go into detail about each one (you can read the book for that), determining ones primary love language is key to better communication and love between you and your significant other, parents and friends. Everyone wants to feel loved by those in their life and understanding how to effectively express that love toward those in your life can be life changing.

My primary love language is quality time (I’m sure some of you were able to easily figure that out).  While reading the chapter on this love language, I felt like Chapman was reading my mind!  If your primary love language is quality time, you seek quality interaction and communication with others. This book provided insight into why I felt the way I did last year about my friendships.

In my True Meaning of Friendship post, I was feeling like some of my closest friends who I had spent a lot of time with over the past couple of years were not giving 100% to our friendship.  I’m the type to always reach out to others via phone call, recommendations to attend an event, etc.  I’ve always been that way and I guess understanding that quality time is my primary language make my actions all more clear.  Those feelings I had last year were an expression of me needing to spend quality time with my friends I considered family.

I say all of that to say, that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you read The Five Love Languages (Single Edition for those that are not married). After reading the book, if you choose to determine the love languages of those in your life and work to speak those languages, all of your relationships can only change for the better.  If you are going to read the book, I highly recommend discussing each chapter with someone who has already read the book. Each night after reading a chapter, I discuss what I’ve read with a friend and it is a great way to better comprehend the ideas of the book; it also makes for a really good discussion and will most likely give you a different way to look at the way you interact with people.

Do you know your primary love language? To find out, take the assessment HERE.  Your primary love language may not be want you think it is!

It’s that time of year again! Cuffin’ Season aka Cuddle Buddy Season is underway. It’s that time during the fall months when men (and women) look for companionship to keep them warm during the cold winter months as my friend Earl so eloquently explained in last year’s “Cuddle Buddy Season” post.

I knew the season was alive and well, but I had no idea there was a schedule to follow!  The calendar below began floating around twitter last month and I’ve seen it posted on two blogs over the past week.  So of course I thought it would only be right that I share the calendar to help those of you who are fully engaged in Cuffin’ Season stay on track.

Fellas, are you on track with the above calendar? The calendar is obviously written for men to follow. Ladies, do you participate in Cuffin’ Season (Cuddle Buddy Season)?

Check out the guys at Single Black Male for seven tips on how to navigate through the season.

Maybe I am having a quarter life crisis.  I don’t know, but what I do know is that lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m just going through the motions.  Maybe this is my mind and body’s reaction to being overwhelmed. With a recent 2 week job furlough (yes I was one of the 4,000 furloughed that was talked about all over the news), anxiously wanting my business to take off, housing stuff, the desire to continue to work on maintaining strong positive friendships and now car issues resulting from an event this past weekend, this girl is emotionally spent.

I, like so many others, have a daily routine. I wake up in the morning, go to work for 9 hours, maybe attend an after work event and then go home. By Thursday, I’m trying to figure out what I will be doing for the weekend and once that’s decided, I just go with it. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like I have lost a true connection with the people and things around me.

Referencing to the car event I mentioned earlier. This past weekend I was driving in the rain and I end up sliding literally across all 6 lanes of the road, meaning I jumped the median and ended up facing ongoing traffic. This has  resulted in my car needing a lot of work in order to be repaired.  Thankfully no traffic was coming in that direction and no one was standing on the median, otherwise I or someone else may not be here today.

As you can imagine, I was completely frightened and I’m still frightened at the thought of how Saturday could’ve turned out.  At the same time, I also feel like that was a wakeup call; God was trying to get my attention. I still haven’t figured exactly what He was trying to tell me.  Was that His way of letting me know that there is more to life than just doing? Is it time to change some things so I can really feel because my heart is longing for more?

I rarely write an extremely personal post, so I don’t sit here and write this one for sympathy. Instead I write it because someone else may be feeling the way I feel or someone may have experienced what I am feeling and provide some insight.  I don’t know what the best solution is to “cure” oneself of going through the motions.  How I feel is something I’m not sure I have ever felt before. No worries; this doesn’t mean I’m going to isolate myself from the world.  It just means I am seeking for more and hope through prayer and patience I can find out what that is.  I look forward to the day where I no longer feel like I am just doing and not being because I know when I reach that place, it will be a wonderful feeling.

Every month, Washington Life Magazine features a story on an attractive single in the DC area.  This time around, the magazine would like to compile a list of the ultimate twenty something singles in the DMV. They will be the top 20 singles of the year.

Ursula Lauriston, the author of Twenty Something, is seeking super attractive, smart, fun-loving, goodhearted and outgoing people. In order to be considered for the list, you must be under 30 years old, SINGLE and currently living in the DMV. 

If you (or someone you know) are interested in being considered, email Ursula at lauristonu@gmail.com with a photo of yourself, your age and a few facts about yourself.  All information must be submitted by Monday, August 29^th at 12pm.

Are you a top 20 single of the year?

Twenty Something is a social diary where she sounds off weekly on dating, D.C nightlife and events, career etiquette, and more. You can follow Ursula on twitter at @urdiggy.

Jill Scott is not only creating a lot of buzz surrounding her new album, but she’s also creating a lot of discussions regarding her recent tweets on open relationships:

“What do you think about “open relationships? Been considering.

Many friends are making it work. Not sure if I’m that girl but not sure if I’m not. Sometimes there’s an understanding that nobody else gets.

I’m certain of what I want and deserve. Still so many marriages fail. Worth the questions. Worth the thought. For some it’s a turn on.”

While a number of people do engage in this type of relationship, the buzz around Jill Scott’s tweets does raise two questions:  what is the true meaning of an open relationship and why would two people in a relationship agree to have one?

According to Wikipedia, an open relationship is:

a relationship in which the people involved agree that they want to be together, but in which romantic or sexual relationships with additional people are accepted, permitted or tolerated.

Now that we all know the real definition of an open relationship, why would two people agree to have one?  Is it suppose to keep things spicy in their own relationship? If two people are married, does it allow them to enjoy the benefits of marriage but seek whatever is “missing” without having to divorce?

I don’t know the answer to why someone would agree to this arrangement, but what I do know is that I wouldn’t be one of them.  In my opinion, an open relationship is technically cheating on your spouse, but you’re not calling it cheating because you both agreed to the arrangement. Not only do you run the risk of catching something if either spouse decides not to practice safe sex, but you also run the risk of someone becoming emotionally attached to whomever they are seeing outside of the relationship? Then what?

I would never entertain the idea of open relationships.  If I’m in a relationship with a guy, I have agreed to be in a monogamous relationship.  Being in a relationship means that two people have committed to being with each other, no one else.  The only sexual and romantic relationship going on will be between the two of us!  I mean, if you’re going to have an open relationship, why not stay single and just date??

What are your thoughts on open relationships? Have you ever been in one? Have you considered having an open relationship?

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I was watching “Single Ladies” (I love this show) last night and the topic of deal breakers came up. Val and Jerry have a wonderful relationship; however, Jerry has four kids and has been married and divorced 3 times. Val on the other hand has never been married and definitely envisions having children in her future.

Jerry proposed to Val that they could have a life together but it would just be the two of them; no kids and no marriage.  I was surprised that her friends encouraged her to think about just being with Jerry despite him not wanting the same future she wants.

So I pose the question, if you were with someone who did not share the same views as you did when it came to deal breakers, would you end the relationship? I know, they are called deal breakers for a reason so why would you stay?  But often times, we all say we want x, y and z until we’re caught up in the rapture.  Once we’re in love, we sometimes view things differently and our wants change.  Maybe we don’t have to get married. Maybe we don’t have to have kids.

Would you ever be willing and able to compromise on those things called deal breakers because you were so in love?

At the end of the episode, Val decided to end her relationship with Jerry. She couldn’t be in a relationship with him trying to make that enough.

Meeting people you’d be interested in dating is a lot easier said than done (at least it is in my case).  And these days, we all need to step outside of the box, and our comfort zone, in order to meet new people.

District365 offers an innovative way to meet singles and enjoy various venues in the city (restaurants, winery, Potomac cruise) through the First Date Factory.

Here’s how it works:

• Singles click HERE to provide an email address
• Each day you’ll get an email with the profile of a single professional in the DC area and their date location
• Click through to the site to find out more about them and contact them if you’re interested.
• If you hit it off, go on the date sponsored by District365.  Yup, it’s already paid for.

The First Date Factory is completely free! We all know, the summer time is the perfect opportunity to get out, meet people and have a great time dating.  As someone who is being more open when it comes to dating, the First Date Factory is something I may just have to try.  I mean going out with someone new and exploring the city for free couldn’t be that bad, could it??