A Diva State of Mind

Meeting people you’d be interested in dating is a lot easier said than done (at least it is in my case).  And these days, we all need to step outside of the box, and our comfort zone, in order to meet new people.

District365 offers an innovative way to meet singles and enjoy various venues in the city (restaurants, winery, Potomac cruise) through the First Date Factory.

Here’s how it works:

• Singles click HERE to provide an email address
• Each day you’ll get an email with the profile of a single professional in the DC area and their date location
• Click through to the site to find out more about them and contact them if you’re interested.
• If you hit it off, go on the date sponsored by District365.  Yup, it’s already paid for.

The First Date Factory is completely free! We all know, the summer time is the perfect opportunity to get out, meet people and have a great time dating.  As someone who is being more open when it comes to dating, the First Date Factory is something I may just have to try.  I mean going out with someone new and exploring the city for free couldn’t be that bad, could it??

Lauren has known Michael for 6 years and they have a great friendship. They each considered the other to be one of their best friends, but after being friends for so many years, Lauren found herself catching feelings;  she doesn’t know why, she just did.  Now Lauren is the type who does not like catching feelings, especially for friends because it NEVER turns out in her favor. In this case, given the situation, liking one of her best male friends was just not an option and to be honest, feeling this way about Michael made her feel very uncomfortable.  Liking him was so wrong!

While she expressed to Michael that she liked him as more than a friend, she realized she was in love with him. She didn’t want to admit it, but the way she felt about him was completely different than she had ever felt about any other guy she liked in the past.  Was it possible to be in love with someone you weren’t dating?

Regardless of Lauren’s feelings, being more than friends was not going to work, at least not now, so she finds herself trying to figure out how to get over him.  After all, Michael is her friend and someone who she imaged would always be in her life.  Would it be selfish of her to end the friendship so that she can move on? Does she remain present in his life, but from a distance, so they can attempt at having a friendship like they did before?

When you’re caught up in the rapture and feel like you’re in love with someone, you feel like they are the one; they are going to be in your life forever. However, in many cases, your first is not your last, so how do you get over your first love? How does one get over a first so they can experience love again? In this case, how does Lauren get over her first so she can be open to receive love and experience what it’s like for someone to love her back?

It has been a LONG time since I’ve written personal post around the topic of dating and relationships, so here’s one for your enjoyment!

I met a guy last year through mutual friends; let’s call him RJ.  He was tall, dark and handsome and I can’t deny that we did have what I thought was chemistry.  We would see each other at events in the city so it was inevitable that we exchanged information.

Now I have heard from some guys say that they don’t mind if a female takes a little initiative when it comes to approaching them.  We’re in our mid/late twenties; that shouldn’t even be an issue, but to some guys it is. Anyway, liking what I saw, I asked RJ out on a few occasions last year and he would either not respond or respond too late.

After a while, I came to my senses and just stopped reaching out all together. I figured, if he was really interested, he would respond or be proactive in trying to hang out.  Months passed and I received a text message from RJ suggesting that we hang out and catch up. Thoughts in my head “ummm…I think he meant to text that to someone else.”

To keep the story short, let’s just say after that text message, we talked on the phone quite frequently for a couple weeks getting to know each other and even talked about hanging out, but of course none of that transpired.  When it came to hanging out, again he just wasn’t very proactive and I for one do not beg anyone to spend time with me. Either you want to or you don’t.

Similar to the “Where Is The Follow Thru” dilemma, ladies also face the “playing hard to get” dilemma, if that’s what you want to call it.  In public, the guy flirts and comes across as interested, but nothing ever goes beyond that. Now that may have been cute in college, but I am grown and I do not have the time or patience for games.  You are either interested or you are not. It’s really that simple.

Fellas, do some of you (I refuse to group you all into one category because I know you’re all the same) act this way just to boost your ego?  Is it exciting to know that there are women you are interested in you? Why commit to something so small like hanging out if you’re really not interested in doing so?

I guess this is just another case of someone wasting my Verizon text messages and minutes because of course he had Sprint….

This past week, an article was posted online talking about women and condoms. The question was, should women carry them? Some men don’t like the idea of women having condoms; for some reason to them it means she’s promiscuous.  I beg to differ.

We live in the 21^st century. This year we recognize the 30 year anniversary of the first AIDS case.  More and more women are having unplanned pregnancies and STDs cases are still rising. Unfortunately black women top the list of those most affected by all three situations.   In this day and age, women CAN NOT rely solely on men to be responsible and always be prepared when it’s time to engage in sexual relations.  It would be irresponsible of women to think that they too shouldn’t be prepared. Why should that responsibility fall on the shoulders of men only?

Here is where the double standard lies: If a woman has condoms either in her purse or at home, to a lot of men (not all) that means she is “getting it in” aka a hoe!! She must get around because she has a stash of condoms. Women with condoms are looked down upon.  However, if a guy pulls out a condom or has them at home, he’s doing what he’s supposed to do. He should have condoms. Why does a woman have to be looked down upon? Why can’t she just be one that is being proactive if and when she finds herself in a position where protection is needed?

Junior year of college, I moved off campus and my dad sat down with me at home and stressed the importance of taking care of myself and being safe, since I was truly living out on my own.  At the end of our conversation, he pulled out a small box of condoms for me to keep in my nightstand. At the time, I was SHOCKED! Did my Dad really give me a box of condoms?!? AWKWARD!  But after that conversation, I understood the message my father was trying to tell me. He wanted me to know and understand that only I can truly protect myself and I can not rely on a man to have my best interest in mind.

Ladies, I urge you, if you are engaging in sexual relations, protect yourself. If you feel it’s necessary to carry condoms in your purse there are small compacts available for you to store them if you don’t want them to be so obvious. I’m not saying you need to walk around with the entire box, one or two should do.  Keep a small box in the drawer by your bed. I mean after all, anything can happen and the last thing you want to do is NOT be prepared.  I’m sure catching an STD or an unplanned pregnancy is not what you envision for your future.

What are your thoughts on woman carrying condoms?

One of my friends posted this video on Facebook last night.  I thought about giving a synopsis of what happens in the video, but I’ll just let you check it out All I’ll say is that the marriage proposal is very creative; this guy definitely set the bar high!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnVAE91E7kM&feature=share

Love it!!

I was watching “Love & Hip-Hop” last night (don’t ask me why), and Chrissy, Jim Jones’ girlfriend of six years, proposed to him in front of a group of family and friends. She knew that her future included Jim as her husband, so she took the next step in their relationship to try and make that a reality (of course we’ll have to wait until next week to find out if he says yes). While I understand why Chrissy proposed, she has been with Jim Jones for six years; if he hasn’t proposed after all that time, is he really interested in getting married? More importantly, does he want to be married to Chrissy?

If you knew your boyfriend was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, would you be as bold as Chrissy and propose? I’m not talking about a casual “we should get married.” I mean a real proposal, ideally how you’d want him to propose to you. Society has taught us that the man should propose. But in the year 2011, when more women are courting men (asking them out on dates, paying for dates, etc) is it really a society faux pas to ask a man to be your husband?

I believe a man should ask for a women’s hand in marriage.  It’s an unspoken rule.  While the male/female dynamic in relationships have become so untraditional these days,  a man proposing to a woman is one tradition that should not change.  That is a moment in time when a man has decided he is ready to settle down and truly commit himself to one woman for the rest of his life. For men, that’s a big deal!!! Plus, who wouldn’t want a man to go through the entire proposal process from buying the ring, planning the proposal and seeking parents (especially the father’s) approval?

While I do believe in this gender role, I do understand why a woman may take it upon herself to propose. Ok maybe I don’t really understand, but here are some possible reasons: she may feel like a guy should not have to deal with the pressure of being the one responsible for taking the relationship to the next level. Or she may feel like she should not have to wait around for him to step up to the plate.  If he hasn’t stepped up in terms of moving the relationships forward, by proposing, a woman may actually be saving herself some time and energy because if he says no she will really know it is time to move on.

I can’t explain a woman’s frame of mind in terms of proposing to her man. What I do know is this: if a man wants to marry you, he will step up and act accordingly.  It’s really that simple.  If you’ve been in a relationship as long as Chrissy has with Jim Jones and he hasn’t made strides towards marriage, something you really want, it is probably not going to happen. He’s just not that into marrying you.

Ladies, we have all been in this situation. We’re out at various places (metro, party, grocery store) and a guy approaches us. Instead of nicely turning him down, we respond with “I have a boyfriend” knowing we are completely single and just not interested.

Now one would expect that telling this tale would deter a guy from continuing in his approach, but that may not necessarily be the case. Clutch Magazine last week posted a video from comedian Jerry Lavigne Jr.; he provides men with advice on how to respond when a woman says “I have a man.” The video is hilarious, but at the same time, I’d look at a guy like he was crazy if he reacted in some of the ways Lavigne suggests.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S1fUDwwYkM

Ladies, to avoid a possible psycho reaction from a man that approaches you, just be honest.  Now you don’t have to be rude; nicely let him know you’re not interested and keep it moving!  You should not feel guilty or feel like you have to lie. Plus, what would you do if you lied and the guy went completely crazy in public?! Then you’d be standing there wishing you would have just told the truth and moved on in the first place.

I’ll admit I have used the “I have a man” excuse before in the past, but moving forward, I’ll just stick with being honest!

Out of all of the communication options available, my friend decides to announce on twitter that she has a friend she wants me to meet!! SMH

At first I was embarrassed and thinking to myself “here we go; another one wants to play matchmaker!”  Did she really have to say it on twitter? I mean, she could’ve at least sent me a direct message!

But after staring at the tweet for a few minutes, I reminded myself that I made a commitment to let my guard down (a little) and be more open when it comes to dating.  I’m not getting any younger and I clearly haven’t had any luck meeting men who are about their business in the past, so maybe it’s time I consider other means to find eligible men to date. A girl could use some entertainment

I won’t go to the extreme and sign up for an online dating site, but I think it’s time to consider being set up on dates by friends who have a really good sense of the type of guys I’d be interested in dating.  One of the God Men and Money blog dating challenges last month was to be set up on a blind date. While I said I was participating in the challenge, I definitely didn’t reach out to any friends seeking to be set up on a blind date.  That takes courage I wasn’t willing to exercise.

But this time, I’m stepping up to the challenge.  I told my homegirl I’m down to meet this guy she thinks I’d like.  Maybe in a group outing (i.e. happy hour, bowling) where there isn’t so much pressure. And to all of my guy friends out there who like to tell me about myself and my habits when it comes to men, the guy I meet won’t automatically be put into the “friend” category. I’ll keep my options open!

So my question for all of you is this: Would you let your friends set you up on a blind date? Speak on it!

My friend sent me a message on gchat last week asking me to do a blog post about ladies moving in with their boyfriends.  I’m not exactly sure what she wanted me to specifically talk about so here are my thoughts!

I never really liked the idea of moving in with a boyfriend.  For me personally, the only person I’d ever move in with is my future fiancé or husband (no I’m not engaged; speaking hypothetically). Having a ring on my finger shows true commitment and seriousness about being together forever.  Believe me, I understand that those who are engaged and married break up and divorce too but there’s something about living with a boyfriend that just screams TOO SOON!

Now we all know boyfriends and girlfriends spend the night and give each other a spare drawer but that’s extremely different than moving in together. You can always go back home! When you live together, you don’t really have that option.  Now I know you won’t have that option either once you’re married, but that’s what you signed up for as husband and wife.

If you’re my boyfriend and we’re just dating, let’s miss each other a little bit.  Go a day or two without seeing each other. It not only makes reconnecting more exciting but helps keep the relationship fresh.  Not living together also gives you time to REALLY get to know each other; what you don’t want to do is move in with someone and then discover their true colors.

When you live together with a boyfriend, you also run the risk of being the milk he got for free (you know the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”).  He may never want to pay for the cow!  There are women out there today who have lived with their significant others for YEARS and their man still hasn’t proposed. These women keep holding on and waiting and waiting and waiting.  But why should he get on one knee and ask that life changing question? By living together and not expecting anything more than your current situation, you are saying that it is ok to act like husband and wife without being the real deal.

Some will argue that moving in together is a great way to see if you really want to be together forever. That may be true for some, but hopefully by dating for a long period of time living in separate residencies, you can make that assessment.  Otherwise living together to only find out it wasn’t the best idea is an expensive reality no one wants to have to deal with.  So while the decision is ultimately yours, ladies may I suggest you wait until he has put a ring on it before moving in!