A Diva State of Mind

While we are empowering each other this month to step outside of our comfort zone and rock red lipstick let’s also empower each other to not wear our silk bonnets in public!

I was on my way home via the metro earlier this week.  I walked on the train, only to find a young lady wearing her bonnet and I was inspired to write a post because it happens WAY TOO OFTEN!!!  Ladies, I know you may experience a bad hair day.  You may not feel like combing out your hair you wrapped the night before or you may have too much going on that day to feel the need to do your hair.  Whatever the reason may be, it does not warrant walking out of the house looking like you’re getting ready for bed or just rolled out of bed. If you need to cover your hair that badly, put on a cute hat. There are a PLETHORA of options to choose from that will allow you to still be stylish without having to do your hair.

My hair isn’t perfect either; if I’m running errands I don’t feel like doing my hair or I may just have a bad hair day.  What do I do? I reach for a hat and make it work!  It may be my wool beret or my Express military hat.  The public does not need to know what I look like in my head scarf (I don’t wear a bonnet) when I’m going to bed and wake up in the morning.  The public doesn’t need to know the same about you either!  Leave it at home!!!

I know someone may ask the question why? Well the reason is that you should always look decent when in public. You never know who you’ll run into.  Would you really want to run into a coworker or someone from church wearing your silk bonnet? Sorta awkward. And in all honesty, it just looks tacky.  I’m not saying you have to get dressed up because even I have gone out in public in a pair of sweat pants before. However my hair looked presentable or I had a hat on.  You’d be surprised; guys actually approach a cute woman wearing a pair of sweats.  But I digress…

The point is, there is a time and place for everything. And while they cover your hair and keep it in place, bonnets should not be worn in public.  I’m sure most of you reading this probably already know better but just in case some of you don’t , let’s make a pledge from this day forward to leave the silk bonnet at home!

In Tuesday night’s episode of Reed Between The Lines, the Reed’s daughter Kaci had a strong desire to change her hairstyle to impress a boy.  Like her mother, Dr. Carla Reed (played by Traci Ellis Ross), Kaci has beautiful natural hair that she wears in curls. She was required to straighten her hair for a play and once it was straight, she mistakenly believed that her straight hair was the only reason the boy she had a crush on started paying her any attention.

Dr. Carla Reed was definitely upset with her daughter’s desire to change her hair. Once you go to the creamy crack, your hair is never the same.  And I am saying this as someone who gets a relaxer every few months.  Natural hair is fabulous!

For decades, there has been a social stigma that natural curly hair is less beautiful than straight hair.  There is also an idea that a curly style represents a certain lifestyle that straight, relaxed hair does not.

I loved this episode because it shed light on a bigger issue than natural hair vs. relaxed hair. It reminded all of us about the importance of self acceptance.  Society has tried to convince us through various forms of entertainment that looking a certain way is right (long straight hair combined with a certain body type).  It’s important as women, that we don’t let what we see in media and hair stereotypes influence what we think about ourselves or the decisions we make in terms of our looks. Women should not feel as though they need to change their hair or any other physical attribute in order to please someone.  Your hair is the way it is for a reason;  you are the way you are for a reason.  Far too often we are so concerned with what others think and we get lost trying to make an impression instead of being comfortable in our own skin.

Let me start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a weave.  While I haven’t had a full weave, I too have added a little extra length when in college before going out for the night. Weaves allow women to constantly change their look and depending on the industry they work in, weaves may be healthier for their hair. For example, a lot of women working in the entertainment industry often wear weaves to avoid having to continually color and process their hair for films, shows, photo shoots, etc.

However…..

If you are going to wear a weave, it should look natural and flattering!!  I’m not sure why this concept is still so foreign to so many women.   An ordinary person should not be able to tell that the hair on your head is not yours.  And the color choice should be one that complements you.  Over the summer, I have seen so many women fall victim to adding a blonde (and other outrageous colors) weave to their hair only for the final outcome to look a hot mess.  Every black woman CAN NOT get away with wearing a blonde weave.

For all my weave lovers out there, this Fall I challenge you to find a color that is flattering.  By doing so, you will look so much more put together. Because we all know, like shoes, your hairstyle can make or break an outfit. 

By the way,  this also applies to natural hair. When deciding to change your hair color or add highlights, work with a hair stylist to find to find a color that will complement your skin tone. If they suggest a color other than blonde, take their word for it; they are the experts.  As much as some of you like blonde, it may not be the best look for you.

I’m sitting here watching the View and one of the “Hot Topics” is about the new Chris Rock movie “GOOD HAIR” and why black women do what they do to their hair.  Barbara Walters throughout the show kept asking “do black women get weaves, relaxers and wigs to look like white women?” She asked Sherri, Whoopi AND Chris Rock after she was already told NO. We don’t want to look like you Barbara Walters and we won’t ever be mistaken to look like white women. LOL

Manageability and versatility are two main reasons why black women opt for the weaves, wigs and relaxers.  When I was younger dancing took up a lot of my time and sweated out my hair.  Even in high school, I attempted to grow my relaxer out while dancing every weekend and having step practice 3 times a week.  My mom wasn’t into spending hours and hours at a time washing, blow drying, using a hot comb and flat iron to straighten my hair.  So instead, I got a kid relaxer when I was younger and once in high school a mild relaxer to help make my hair more manageable.  I had too many activities going to go natural and at that age, I wasn’t able to manage natural hair.  Having a relaxer made it much easier.

Women, not just black women, get bored very easily.  So to keep ourselves entertained, we like to switch it up every once in a while. Think about it, the majority of white women you run into have dyed their hair.  All of you aren’t naturally blond!!  One of my white friends puts in extensions every so often to add a little length to her hair when going out and dyes her hair I would say every 6 months.  Every time I see her it’s a different color!   Wearing a weave or wigs gives women the change to keep their look new, fresh and exciting.   It’s almost like going through a phase.  Sometimes we want short hair, sometimes we want long and other times we want some color.

If there are any other reasons that I’m missing, ladies please let me know! Believe me, if black women wanted to look like another race, we would be racing to the plastic surgeon to have our noses and lips reduced.  But we’re not.  Everyone deals with her own insecurities, but as a whole, we black women love the way we look.  We just want more manageable and versatile hair.  Women in general go through a lot when it comes to hair maintenance so we can show up on point everywhere we go!