A Diva State of Mind

I was catching up on my favorite websites and saw these words on Clutch Magazine. I absolutely love it and knew I had to share with all of you.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings

 As we go through life, many times we find ourselves changing to fit the needs of others instead of being who we really want to be. While we don’t want to let down our parents, friends, partners, or peers, when we fail to stay true to our own selves, we end up losing. Be bold, be courageous, and above all else, be yourself. – Britni Danielle, Clutch Magazine

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you all had a great weekend bringing in the new year with friends and family.

While every year is one of growth, 2011 was definitely a year of some of the biggest ups and downs I have experienced. But those experiences have helped shape me into the person I am today; I must say that I love the woman I am becoming. I am the most comfortable I have ever been in my own skin and genuinely happy.

So with the excitement of a new year and being in a “good place,” I started thinking about creating a bucket list. Often times we are limited in living and being our true selves out of fear.  A bucket list is a great way to break out of my comfort zone, do things I’ve thought I’d be too afraid to do and really just live life!  After all, we only have one so might as well make the most of it!

While I haven’t sat down and created a complete bucket list yet (and the list will grow over time), here are just a few things I’d like to do in my lifetime in no particular order:

1. Ride a motorcycle
2. Learn to salsa dance
3. Travel to Italy & Paris
4. Travel to Hawaii
5. Shoot at a gun range
6. Travel to Los Angeles
7. Run  a 10K marathon
8. Become a stylist/brand ambassador for major designer label*

*career aspirations can be on the list, right??

Lifestyle Blog Award, With Stacy London, Me & my blogger boos

I know the older we get the faster time goes by, but this year seemed to go by extremely fast! It feels like I was just partying in DC celebrating the arrival of 2011 and now 2012 is only 4 days away!

As 2011 comes to an end, I want to take a moment and reflect on this year.  It has been an amazing one for me personally and for the blog. The blog hosted its first give away for tickets to see the Broadway hit THE MOUNTAINTOP.  I attended elite fashion events like the House of KAS One Year Anniversary Fashion Show and Pink Rocks The Runway Fashion Show which included the Spring 2012 presentation by Christian Siriano.

I attended the Style for Hire workshop in March, learning styling techniques from one of the best personal stylist in the industry, Stacy London. The workshop was great and becoming an apprentice really verified for me that I do have what it takes to be a personal stylist.

This year, I, like so many others, joined the Capital Area Fashion & Beauty Bloggers (CapFABB) group, attended some great events and met some amazing women.  They are creative, fly and working hard to change the way society views fashion in DC. What I love about the women I have met is that they are very supportive. We are all working hard on our own projects but also working to help each other not only become better bloggers, but break into the fields we all eagerly want to have a career in (designer, public relationships, stylist, professional photographer, etc).  I can’t wait to see what everyone has in store for 2012!

Last but not least, my greatest blog accomplishment is winning the award for the 2011 Black Weblog Awards Best Lifestyle Blog.  Honestly, I did not expect to win, especially considering the competition!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post each week, share the blog with friends and vote for the blog.  I am truly humbled by your readership and support. I know there are a plethora of blogs out there to read and I’m so glad mine is one on your list.

As you all know, not only is A Diva State of Mind a blog but it’s also a personal styling business.  While I don’t have any major changes coming to A Diva State of Mind (not planned at the moment anyway), I will try to include more “Ask Keri” and style related post on the site.  I hope you’ll continue with me on this journey as I continue to work to make A Diva State of Mind the best lifestyle blog and styling business it can be!

If there are any topics, styling questions, etc you’d like to see on the blog in the New Year, please let me know at Keri@adivastateofmind.com 

I hope you all have a fabulous and safe weekend celebrating the New Year!  New posts will be up next week!!

I am currently reading Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Single Edition and I love it! It is one book I think everyone MUST read.  The first book, The Five Love Languages, is for all of you married couple out there.

According to Chapman, we all have a primary love language out of a list of five:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

While I won’t go into detail about each one (you can read the book for that), determining ones primary love language is key to better communication and love between you and your significant other, parents and friends. Everyone wants to feel loved by those in their life and understanding how to effectively express that love toward those in your life can be life changing.

My primary love language is quality time (I’m sure some of you were able to easily figure that out).  While reading the chapter on this love language, I felt like Chapman was reading my mind!  If your primary love language is quality time, you seek quality interaction and communication with others. This book provided insight into why I felt the way I did last year about my friendships.

In my True Meaning of Friendship post, I was feeling like some of my closest friends who I had spent a lot of time with over the past couple of years were not giving 100% to our friendship.  I’m the type to always reach out to others via phone call, recommendations to attend an event, etc.  I’ve always been that way and I guess understanding that quality time is my primary language make my actions all more clear.  Those feelings I had last year were an expression of me needing to spend quality time with my friends I considered family.

I say all of that to say, that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you read The Five Love Languages (Single Edition for those that are not married). After reading the book, if you choose to determine the love languages of those in your life and work to speak those languages, all of your relationships can only change for the better.  If you are going to read the book, I highly recommend discussing each chapter with someone who has already read the book. Each night after reading a chapter, I discuss what I’ve read with a friend and it is a great way to better comprehend the ideas of the book; it also makes for a really good discussion and will most likely give you a different way to look at the way you interact with people.

Do you know your primary love language? To find out, take the assessment HERE.  Your primary love language may not be want you think it is!

Maybe I am having a quarter life crisis.  I don’t know, but what I do know is that lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m just going through the motions.  Maybe this is my mind and body’s reaction to being overwhelmed. With a recent 2 week job furlough (yes I was one of the 4,000 furloughed that was talked about all over the news), anxiously wanting my business to take off, housing stuff, the desire to continue to work on maintaining strong positive friendships and now car issues resulting from an event this past weekend, this girl is emotionally spent.

I, like so many others, have a daily routine. I wake up in the morning, go to work for 9 hours, maybe attend an after work event and then go home. By Thursday, I’m trying to figure out what I will be doing for the weekend and once that’s decided, I just go with it. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like I have lost a true connection with the people and things around me.

Referencing to the car event I mentioned earlier. This past weekend I was driving down in the rain and I end up sliding literally across all 6 lanes of the road, meaning I jumped the median and ended up facing ongoing traffic. This has  resulted in my car needing a lot of work in order to be repaired.  Thankfully no traffic was coming in that direction and no one was standing on the median, otherwise I or someone else may not be here today. 

As you can imagine I was completely frightened and I’m still frightened at the thought of how Saturday could’ve turned out.  At the same time, I also feel like that was a wakeup call; God was trying to get my attention. I still haven’t figured exactly what He was trying to tell me.  Was that His way of letting me know that there is more to life than just doing? Is it time to change some things so I can really feel because my heart is longing for more?

I rarely write an extremely personal post, so I don’t sit here and write this one for sympathy. Instead I write it because someone else may be feeling the way I feel or someone may have experienced what I am feeling and provide some insight.  I don’t know what the best solution is to “cure” oneself of going through the motions.  How I feel is something I’m not sure I have ever felt before. No worries; this doesn’t mean I’m going to isolate myself from the world.  It just means I am seeking for more and hope through prayer and patience I can find out what that is.  I look forward to the day where I no longer feel like I am just doing and not being because I know when I reach that place, it will be a wonderful feeling.

The holiday season is here, so I will return next week with new posts to start off the last month of the year! 

During this time of Thanksgiving, I want to say THANK YOU to all of you, everyone who has ever read A Diva State of Mind. Thank you for your support over the last 14 months.  The blog could not have grown without your help and support.

I’m working hard to continue to grow A Diva State of Mind so I hope you all will continue to join me for that journey. 

Have a great Thanksgiving and holiday weekend with family and friends.  For those of you traveling, I hope you have a safe trip to your final destination. For those of you taking part in Black Friday please be safe; the malls will be crowded when they open at midnight!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Courtesy trulylovable.com

This year has been one of the biggest years of growth for me. And while I’m growing and learning more about myself and what it is I hope to accomplish in life, I’ve also found myself more than ever re-evaluating my friendships and the roles people play in my life.

I think we naively believe that the people who are currently in our lives are supposed to be there forever especially if we have  known each other for years.  But I’ve come to realize the length of time that I’ve known someone doesn’t determine whether or not a true friendship really exists. Friendship, like any relationship, takes work and effort from both parties. If you’re not giving 100%, why should I?

As an only child, friendships are invaluable to me; the people in my life are the brothers and sisters I’ve never had, but when I begin to feel that my love, support, and loyalty is unappreciated and not reciprocated, my mind begins to wonder. Maybe certain people are in my life for a season and that season has or is coming to an end; maybe their roles in my life have changed.

As we get older and our priorities change, I challenge each of you think about the people in your life. Are the people you surround yourself with around for a reason, season or lifetime? Are those you consider your true friends people you can rely on in a time of need, share your biggest fears, share a life changing moment and trust to have your back?

On the flip side, do you need to take a moment and look in the mirror to determine whether or not you’re living up to your end of your friendships? We’re not all destined to be true friends; some of us will truly only hang out when it is someone’s birthday or someone we know has a cookout. And before now, that would have bothered me because I strive to develop a real relationship with everyone that I know. People used to always say the older you get the fewer friends you will have.  As uncomfortable as that has been for me to deal with in the past, I think I’m finally ok with that concept.

What do you believe to be the TRUE meaning of friendship? How’d you deal with the realization that those that were supposed to be with you for a lifetime may not be or their roles changed from what you thought it would be your life.

I can’t help but smile every time I think about this past weekend.  I sure was exhausted come Sunday; I’m ashamed that I wasn’t able to stay awake to finish watching the playoff games….SMH!   Friday night was a “date” night with a friend of mine.  We went to see The Book of Eli(I recommend everyone go see it) and of course I had to get food afterwards.  Saturday I went to a volunteer orientation, hung out in DC during the day and went out with some people that I hadn’t spent time with in what feels like a very long time.  Sunday morning, I woke up and laid in bed all morning watching movies thanks to the plethora of options on Fios!

As simple as it sounds, I had a great time.  Everyone I was with seemed to genuinely have a great time too which made the weekend carefree and enjoyable.  Great conversation and quality time was all that was needed!

I must say that this weekend gave me insight into what should be important in our lives; the simple things in life.  Don’t let the stress of work and personal drama bring down your spirit.  When you need a break from life, go see a movie, lay in bed all day doing absolutely nothing, call up a friend to just hang out, or make your way to church Sunday morning to get a good word (cause some of us haven’t been to church in a minute; myself included)!  You’ll appreciate the time spent hanging out.  Believe me, you may be exhausted, but it’s definitely worth it.

Last week I wasn’t really feeling like myself; exhausted, wanted to stay in, low self esteem, bad attitude, etc. Something just seemed wrong and I wasn’t the person that I usual am. Usually I’m full of energy, great attitude, and eager to go out and mingle.

So this past weekend I had originally planned to have a house gathering and chill all night but that Saturday morning I woke up with a new attitude. All of a sudden I wanted to go out; I had friends coming in from out of town and it was my best friend’s birthday. And I sat in my bed trying to figure out what changed my attitude. And then it hit me, that day I was going to spend the day with the loves of my life; the friends that are my REAL friends and love me for being me! They don’t play games, they keep it real and they have always been there for me making sure I’m being me. So I spent the day being domestic, preparing a birthday dinner and getting ready for a night filled with fun and love. We hadn’t all hung out together and I was really excited to finally hang out with my friends that are here in DC and those that come down, most of them from college.

The people that I hung out with this weekend have been my rock (and a few of you were missing. You SHOULD know who you are). They give me the love and support that I need when I’m feeling down, rejuvenating my spirit. At the end of the day, they allow me to be me; there isn’t any pressure to be any other person but myself. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. They are the brothers & sisters that I never had.  I had a great weekend and I truly feel better.  My spirit has been lifted.  I hope this weekend was just the beginning of a bond that will continue for many years to come! So I want to say I LOVE YOU and thank you for being in my life!

This post may come across as petty.  It was written in response to a conversation I had with a friend through text message that really bothered me. Granted I wasn’t in a great emotional state at the time, but it did spark me to write this  post and get some things off my chest.

Growing up as an only child, I’ve always valued the friendships I’ve had.  So I always felt the need to go out of my way to make sure I kept in touch with my friends.  I consider my friends my brothers & sisters I never had growing up.

But over the years, I’ve found that people I’ve considered friends haven’t really done their part to earn that title.  Numerous times I have found myself as the person to ALWAYS call, send messages, text, etc to check up on friends to see how they are doing, if they want to hang out etc.  But if I’m not the one to keep in touch, I never hear from my so called friends.   We become more like acquaintances hanging out when everyone we know is together.  So instead of receiving text to see how I’m doing or inviting me to hang out, I receive messages like “we must not be friends…haven’t talked to you or seen you in ages” I sit there thinking to myself, why haven’t you picked up the phone to call, send a text or invite me out to chill?? Are you fingers broken? I DON’T THINK SO!

I’ll either have friends that don’t keep in touch unless I reach out or their response to everything is “well just hit me up…you know I’m around.” My question for you is, why can’t you keep in touch too? You know I’m around, so why can’t you call me and see how I’m doing??

I  sometimes get the feeling that these so called friendships I have are one sided  If you were really my friend, wouldn’t you make the effort to touch base and hang out? I make numerous efforts because I love my friends and want them in my life.  I’m not the type to like to cut people out of my life; so I can either continue reaching out hoping for things to change or I can fall back and hope my friends get a clue and realize it’s a 2 way street.  The last thing I want to do is fall back and have someone slowly disappear out of my life, but at the same time you have to earn the friendship title and it doesn’t come easily.