A Diva State of Mind

The Boston Marathon explosion: another tragedy where innocent people were targeted. My heart aches again. I sat on the train speechless after hearing the news trying to comprehend how something like this could happen. After all, it’s the Boston Marathon; one of the most popular events of the year.  And this year at the marathon, the victims of the Newton shooting were being honored; a tragedy many are still mourning. Can’t we get a break from something bad happening??

In our lifetime, we have experienced some immense tragedies: Newtown, Virginia Tech, Columbine High School, movie theatre and military base shootings, Oklahoma City bombing, and 9-11 and more.

Source: www.961wodz.com

While sitting in silence on the metro yesterday, I was sad but also frustrated.  Why is there so much evil in this world? Why is it no longer safe for us to be at schools, movie theatres and marathons? Why do others feel the need to destroy our sense of security? Is there something we should be doing differently to help avoid these types of tragedies in the future? Why is there so much hate and not more love?

Every time an incident of this magnitude is reported on the news, I sit in shock. My heart aches for the victims and for those families whose lives will never be the same.  I’m not sure what we can do to try and prevent things like this from happening in the future.  While we all deal with our own way of internalizing, these events also put things in perspective. Some people in other countries experience incidents like this on a daily basis. I know the sadness I feel when something happens here. I can’t imagine the emotional suffering those in other countries face continuously. We as a world need healing.  All I can do is express how I feel and pray for those affected by these horrible tragedies both nationwide and worldwide.

Let this tragedy, like all others, be a reminder to live a full life. One filled with love, laughter and compassion.

By now you’ve probably heard about Rick Ross’ and his rape lyrics. In rapper Rocko’s song “U.O.E.N.O,” Ross raps “Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/ I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” Although the rapper defends his lyrics stating he didn’t use the word rape, these lyrics clearly allude to the fact that he rapes her. The reason a person drops a molly (or ruffie) in someone’s drink is so they can take advantage without the victim knowing it. And last time I checked, if she didn’t consent, it’s called rape. You can see his first half ass apology here and his second attempt to apologize here.

In response to the petitions and protest outside Reebok headquarters, the company announced yesterday that Rick Ross will no longer be a spokesperson:

“Reebok holds our partners to a high standard, and we expect them to live up to the values of our brand.  Unfortunately, Rick Ross has failed to do so.

While we do not believe that Rick Ross condones sexual assault, we are very disappointed he has yet to display an understanding of the seriousness of this issue or an appropriate level of remorse.”

Some praised Reebok for their decision while others, including some rappers, have come to Rick Ross’ defense (I won’t even repost the ignorance stated by Meek Mills and Slim Thug). After all, artist like Biggie rapped about worse things in the 90s. But does that make it ok??? Rap culture is one that has been degrading women for years. And we now live in a society that has become numb to rape.  Victims are harassed and bullied while the media tries to make us feel bad for those that committed the crime.

Someone made a great point on twitter yesterday. People have to pick what issues they stand for. If rape is one of them, then folks have every right to protest messages that promote rape. Let this be a lesson to brands and entertainers; your consumers are paying attention! If you are promoting a message that is not in line with their moral compass or in this case, just WRONG, they will protest you and stop supporting you. It’s that simple!

This morning Toni of House of Haute tweeted a link to a post she wrote on her site in response to hearing about Rick Ross’ new lyrics.  If you think it’s cool for Rick Ross or any artist to rap about putting a molly in a woman’s drink, I challenge you to rethink that after reading Toni’s story. This is one that probably happens more often thank we think, we just don’t hear about it. That is until now.  I guess we can thank Rick Ross for the lyrics; they have encouraged women like Toni to share her story and push other victims of sexual assault and rape to speak up.

Below is an excerpt from Toni’s post:

With immense subtlety, one of the many faces of Molly introduced herself and that’s when everything faded to black and Molly took me on a date. It was as if it were the beginning of a new scene in my own horror movie. With vague and blurred moments, I here a cell phone ringing but it sounds as though it was under water. Fighting to just open my eyes and focus, I saw flashes of light and felt cold bursts of air. No, I wasn’t dying. Through piecing intricate pieces together, it became clear I was left laying face down on the concrete on a private street. Just a few steps away from the censored sliding door of a motel in a small town outside of Dallas, I was roughly 20 miles away from where I lived. Each time the censors were triggered, a burst of cool air and rays of light covered my seemingly lifeless body.

An alarmed employee of the chain motel, called 911. Unsure of why I was laying in the street, I can only guess the clerk assumed that I was a drunken person trespassing on their private property. It took me years to come to that conclusion, otherwise why would the police department arrive without the complement of medical help.

PLEASE READ HER ENTIRE POST here.

I didn’t grow up dreaming of a career in fashion. I wanted to work in sports. At first I wanted to be the next Pam Oliver; reporting sport news from the side lines.  Then my focused changed to sports marketing. The desire to work in fashion didn’t materialize until I was in grad school.

We hear people all the time say “I’ve wanted to sing since I was nine” and now they’re a major music artist. I saw a story on Wednesday about a guy who plays in a major orchestra. When he was little he wrote on a notepad that he was going to be the best at playing his instrument when he grew up.  When I hear those stories, I always feel like I’m behind the curve because I didn’t pursue a fashion career sooner.  So I often struggle with having faith in where my career is going.  Why would God fill me with the desire to want to have a fashion career if it currently looks like it isn’t moving in that direction? Will styling just be a hobby? Will I work a 9 to 5 I’m not passionate about for the next 30 years?

My desire for a career in fashion is stronger now than its ever been so it is no coincidence that I started reading DeVon Franklin’s book, Produced by Faith. Franklin is the VP of Production for Columbia Pictures and a minister.  In his book, he provides a guide on how to remain steadfast in faith while pursuing your dreams.  Talk about a wake up call!!! I wish y’all could see me when I’m reading this book. You would think I was studying for a test the way I have highlighted the pages!

Franklin shares his story of how he rose to where he is in his career; discussing the steps he took, how he relied on God and some of the challenges he faced. It’s not easy being a Christian while trying to work in Hollywood! Because I think this book is really an eye opener, I wanted to share some excerpts. I’ve highlighted too many lines to share in one post, so here are just a few things that really struck a cord with me:

“The trouble is that when you are a character in a story – when you are immersed in it – you can’t see how things will progress in the future….It becomes very easy to assume things will always be the way they are today.”

“So if your career is shaping who you become, and your faith isn’t integrally involved in your career choices, then what good is your faith?”

“While you are considering the Big Idea for your future, consider this: It’s got to be about more than getting promoted, getting a raise, or even becoming a star.  It must also be about how you can make an impact on the world and become a living example of God’s divine power.”

“We all struggle with ego and a sense of entitlement. We think we’re smart enough to know how to navigate through this complicated life, or that what we want is what is best for us. In reality, we don’t have the answers.  God does….It was about who I was going to be in God’s eyes – his servant or my own.”

“What matters today is not where you are today, but what kind of person God is shaping you to become in preparation for the time when he brings his vision for your life to fruition.”

“Be bold enough to request your ideal schedule from God, but be confident enough in him to agree to his schedule even if it differs from the time line you’ve had in your mind.”

I’m about half way through the book but it has definitely been life changing. More than anything, this book has helped me focus on ways I can build a stronger relationship with God.  Being that I am a work in progress, not only to be a better servant of God but to also live my life’s purpose, this book has definitely provided great guidance.

I HIGHLY recommend Produced by Faith for anyone, but specifically for those like me who may struggle with faith as you pursue your career and those searching to build a closer relationship with God. I promise, from what I’ve read so far, you won’t be disappointed.

Produced by Faith is available at Amazon.

Source: www.123rf.com

Two years ago I wrote the article “Yes, Women Should Carry Condoms.” That year marked the 30^th anniversary of the first AIDS case. Considering HIV/AIDS cases are the highest among African America women, I thought it was important to remind women that we are in charge of our own safety. While many rely on men to carry protection, at the end of the day, we are responsible of what happens to our bodies.

Yesterday I came across an article by Chevy B titled “A“Woman” Carries Condoms. A “Lady” Doesn’t…”  Chevy is big on gender roles and claims that only a “certain type” of woman carries condoms. While I agree that ladies should take their time getting know a guy before engaging in sex, I don’t agree with the idea that only a “certain type” of woman carries condoms. The article is too long to post here, so I’ll highlight some areas that I thought posed as a dangerous message to women:

The woman who carries around condoms is known as “Ms. Ready, Willing & Able” or a “Jump Off” because a female carrying around condoms gives off the impression that she is ready, willing, and able to jump on/off of any guy at any given time. No patience, no restraint, no value!!! Sex should be given to a man once he’s earned that privilege. Once that privilege is earned, he knows better than to show up unprepared. A responsible adult male doesn’t need a woman’s assistance when it comes to carrying condoms… believe me!!! Sex is on his brain all day and all night; He will be prepared!

Jump off- A female who’s ready, willing, able to have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone just for thrills.

A prostitute carries condoms everywhere she goes because sex is what she does for a living, and she has to protect herself from HIV/AIDS/STDs & pregnancy from the random men she sleeps with. It’s literally “her” job to make sure she is protected because the men approaching her care nothing about her health, and clearly they care nothing about their own if they’re willing to sleep with a prostitute. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense for a prostitute to carry around condoms on a regular basis.

A woman carrying condoms is a huge reflection of her character. It’s far deeper than “I want to be safe”. It’s symbolic of impatience, ambiguity, and promiscuity. Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, 1st Lady Serita Jakes, and hopefully your mother are less likely to carry condoms because they are ladies of strong character, good morals, values, and principles. They respect their bodies, their families, and their reputation enough to have sex “exclusively” with the man they married. Buffie Da Body, Lil Kim, and Remy Ma… on the other hand are more likely to carry around condoms because they exhibit poor character, and lack a good set of morals, values, and principles.

What about a man who carries condoms? Does that make him a jump-off too?? There are plenty of guys walking around with condoms in their pocket but I don’t hear anyone calling them jump-offs. That’s right, that is part of being a man.  Talk about a double standard!!! SMDH!!!

I agree sex should be given to a man once he’s earned the privilege, but just because he has earned that privilege does not mean women should rely solely on him to be responsible. What if he forgets? What if two people in a committed relationship decide to have “surprise sex” and he doesn’t have a condom? Both parties engaging in sex should be prepared at all times!

Junior year I moved into my own apartment and my dad gave me a small box of condoms.  Believe me, I was NOT getting it in, but my dad wanted to stress the importance of being safe and protecting myself.  Does that make me a jump-off because I had them?

In a perfect world, people would not have sex until they were married. But guess what, it is 2013 and people are having sex before marriage.   It is dangerous to tell women they are jump-offs if they have condoms.   It’s an offensive way to say that women should not be responsible for protecting their bodies if they decide to have sex.  Just because one is in a committed relationship DOES NOT mean their partner is always going to do the right thing.

Many men have argued that women who have condoms are looked down on; they aren’t the marrying kind.  Maybe those men are insecure, because I would think any GROWN man would appreciate a woman being just as responsible as he is when it comes to having safe sex.

You can read the entire article HERE. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section!

A few weeks ago I attended the “New Year, New You” brunch and during a conversation at my table the topic of supporting one another came up. I also had a similar conversation last week at a blogger event.  Those two events combined with Beyonce’s message to Kelly, Michelle, J. Hud and A. Keys and the BET Honors were true reminders how important it is to uplift and support one another.

I think we often feel like we’re competing with one another, especially if someone in the same industry is gaining opportunities you dream of having.  The only person you should be competing with is yourself.  Everyone’s path to success, however you define it, is different. What is for you is for you.

As a blogger, I often receive information and invitations to events. Someone is launching a magazine; another is raising money for an organization.  While I don’t have the time to attend every event or post every event online (maybe that’s a sign I need to hire an intern), I do share those events sponsored by people who have been supportive of me over the years, those who are starting a business that I believe in (Endless Touch) and/or those who are doing things to support great causes (Women’s Elevation Magazine Launch Party & Networking Event).

While it would be impossible to support everyone and every single event, I make it a point to support those things that are in line with who I am and what I believe in.   You’d be surprised how far a retweet can go!

I know you would think a topic like this would require an extremely long post but it doesn’t. I just wanted to use this space as a reminder to think less about racing with each other and focus more on being collaborative and uplifting.   I encourage you to watch the BET Honors when they show it again. It is amazing and beautiful to watch peers recognize one another. It’s something we need to do a lot more often.

This video has been spreading over the internet like wild fire!

I first saw “A Pep Talk from Kid President” on The Seventh District blog on Tuesday and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  After seeing the video posted on Facebook and receiving it from a friend via email, I knew I had to share.

This pep talk will surely inspire you to get moving!

You were made to be awesome!

Lately it seems like everyone is engaged, just got married or having kids.  If you’re in your late twenties and single without kids, do you feel like you’re behind?

Every time I talk to one of my friends, the topic of marriage and kids comes up. She’ll be 28 this year and like me, she is not in a relationship. It seems to really bother her that she’s almost 30, without a husband or kids. I sometimes sit and wonder “damn, is it REALLY THAT BAD that you don’t have either of those things right now?”

Where did this idea of being married and having kids before the age of 30 come from? Do women (and men) fear being consider “old parents?” Has society made us feel like we haven’t accomplished anything if marriage and kids don’t happen at a certain age?

I’ll be 28 in March and personally I don’t feel pressure to be married or have kids right now. Do I want to be in a relationship?  Yes. Am I ready to walk down the aisle right now? No.  Post graduate school, I don’t think I envisioned myself getting married before 30. And I’m definitely not ready for kids right now. I’m still trying to get my life in order; how can I possibly be responsible for someone else??

I was getting my hair done on Friday and the married lady next to me starting talking about how women these days are so pressed for marriage that often times they settle. PREACH!!! Instead of enjoying single life, dating and waiting to find a mate they will call their best friend, women end up settling just so they can have the title of being someone’s wife.  To all of you out there wanting to get married and have kids, please don’t settle!! If you end up not getting married until you’re 30 or 32, that’s ok. That’s better than settling for someone at 28 and not being happy.

Everyone has their own timeline of when they want things to happen in life. Marriage and kids are some of those things we cannot control (if you believe in having children after you’re married). I would hope that while we all pursue living a life of love with a significant other and creating our own families in the future, we don’t feel like we are incomplete or we haven’t accomplished much because those areas are temporarily missing. Let’s have faith that we will receive the desires of our heart when the time is right!

What are your thoughts on marriage and kids?  If you’re in your late twenties, do you feel pressured to get married and have kids by a certain age? 

“I pray 2013 is the year of your destiny, your purpose manifested and your year to feel the power of love! You are produced by faith! Happy New Year!!”  - DeVon Franklin

2013 has arrived….let’s make it ours!

In less than 5 days, we’ll be celebrating a new year.  Time flies when you’re having fun!

It has been a great year! I worked new clients this year on my own and through the Style for Hire network. I was also able to showcase my styling skills by working on makeovers for SNOBSWAP and an editorial for Façon Magazine.

This year I committed myself to a dating challenge and encouraged you to join me! We had fun pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone (I hope you had fun doing so).  Life begins when you challenge yourself and step outside of what’s comfortable. I knew if I blogged about it I would be held accountable for challenging myself all year. So thank you for joining me on that journey.

Styling clients and dating weren’t the only things keeping me busy this year.  DC had some great events. I loved the BET Hip Hop Awards Style Lounge and Beauty That Runs Deeper Concert Series And the year would not have been complete without the A Diva State of Mind Three Year Anniversary Party! I am truly humbled by the support I have received over the three years and really appreciate everyone who reads this blog.

Those are just a few of the major highlights of 2012. With so much that has happened this year, I pray it is only the beginning of what is yet to come. I am excited to see what 2013 has to offer!

Are you ready for the New Year? What are you looking forward to in 2013?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

In September I told you I met a guy at a restaurant when I ran into a mutual friend. Well, we dated for a few months but unfortunately things ended a couple weeks ago.  Was I disappointed? Yes. But I also understand that all seasons must come to an end, whether it is four months or four years. I know that dating is a process and if I am going to date I will experience many situations that don’t work out before I experience one that does.

This year of the “dating challenge” was an interesting one.  It really became less about the dating challenge activities and more about my attitude towards dating.  As someone who did not date often in the past, deciding to challenge myself and attempt to have some control over my dating life this year was a big deal.   This year was fun and a little emotional but also a learning experience.

Here are a few dating takeaways I gained personally from my own experience and my friend’s dating experience:

1. Being receptive and having a positive attitude makes meeting new people easier and more fun.  And it just may increase your chances of meeting someone whether through a friend or at a restaurant.

2. Move on if you don’t feel any chemistry.  Life’s too short to waste your time or your date’s time.

3. As much as many of us hate to do it, we’re going to have to take a chance and let our guard down if we’re dating someone we really like. Yes there’s a chance things won’t work out but we’ll never know if we’re always so guarded.

4. Don’t pray for a mate and then sit back and do nothing. You won’t find your future mate by sitting on the couch every night.  As Demetria L. Lucas said “Degrees aren’t handed down; they are earned. Promotions don’t just appear; you strategize to get them. Money doesn’t fall from the sky; you work for it. Meeting high-quality men, dating and marrying are not exceptions to the rule.”

I won’t declare a dating challenge for 2013, but do I hope that I will continue to meet new people and date.  The New Year equals new opportunities; I am excited to see 2013 has to offer!

What was your dating experience like this year?