Blogger and dating challenge participant Shivawn wrote a post last week titled Ambitious & Dateless.  She’s was told by a male friend that men are intimidated by her because she has it together. I’ve heard similar comments from my male friends over the years so I really understood the frustration Shivawn expressed in her post. She writes:

Over the weekend I ran into my old guy bestie from High School. We started chatting about what we were doing and our future plans. He brought up the book I wrote and then stated that he could understand why I wasn’t dating or married. He believes it’s because men are too intimidated by me because I “have it together”. By now I have the stuck on stupid face because I am not anywhere near my goals and then a little attitude because this is the 2nd time I’ve heard this foolishness. And I have no plans on dummying myself down just to get a “date”. He went on to explain that a man may feel like he has nothing to offer and its easier for me to walk away from the relationship since I have big dreams and plans for my life.

Blank Stare. So I’m confused. Am I not supposed to have dreams that I pursue and achieve so that I can eventually bring something to the table of a relationship besides a cute smile?

Are men really intimidated by women who “have it together?” I know I personally don’t have it together; that’s why I’m working so hard now, but to someone who doesn’t know me it may appear that way.  Is a good job, working on a side business and having one’s own place really intimidating?  Wouldn’t guys want to be around someone like that? Fellas, wouldn’t someone who “has it together” be inspiration for you to pursue a dream you may have had on hold or encourage you to keep going down a particular path that you have felt like giving up? Is that feeling of intimidation really low self-esteem?

Don’t get it twisted, just because women are successful and making a name for themselves doesn’t mean they don’t want companionship. What’s the point of being successful and having it together if you can’t share it with someone?

I believe we all (men and women) should have dreams and pursue them.  Unfortunately for some of us it may take us a little longer to find the one who instead of being intimidated by our dreams and ambition, will want to be there to see us reach our goals, cheer us on along the way and look forward to us giving them the same support.

What do you think? Are men intimidated by women who have it together?

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