Disclaimer: Let me go ahead and apologize for the length of this post. My posts aren’t usually excessively long because no one wants to read that much, but this one is a must!!! Enjoy!
I’ve hung out a few times with a friend of mine: we went out to lunch, movies, etc. And every time we hung out, he would ask: “are we having a sleepover?” My answer every time: “No, why would we do that?”
Now I will admit that we’ve flirted before in a social setting, but does flirting and hanging out a few times (2-3 times) really equate to having sleepovers? What happened to going out on dates, getting to know each other, talking on the phone (or through g-chat or bbm these days lol). In this new age, has the art of traditional dating really gone out the window??
Well, I was going to write this long drawn out post about how I feel like there really isn’t a standard when it comes to dating anymore. But then, I found this article from Black Voices, through Clutch Magazine, on 10 dating rules for single gals.
In the age of social media and“modern” lifestyles, here are some dating rules that will and should never be thrown out the window. And of course, for some of these rules, I had to follow with some of my own comments! (My thoughts are italicized)
From Black Voices,
10 Dating Rules To Help Single Gals Stay Sane
1. Never ask a guy out
Even in our post modern society where men do respect an independent woman who can do for herself, the thrill of the chase still remains. Men will swear up and down they would rather not deal with a difficult woman or one that is to hard to reel in, but they secretly really do love the challenge. Hard to get still works, because men are smart enough to know nothing worth it comes easy.
If that’s the case, then this is going to be a boring summer! Lol If I have to sit around and wait for a guy to ask me out, I’ll be waiting forever! Guys talk a good game, but they don’t always step up like they should. Fellas: If you want to hang out, step up and make the first move!!
2. Never advertise
Branding yourself in business is great, but in your love life? Not so much. Guys recognize that a woman who is always advertising to potential suitors what she can do is also a woman covering up a lot that she can’t deliver. There’s no need to always state how much you can cook or how much you enjoy watching football. If it’s true, actions speak louder than words and he will soon see. Instead of putting all your selling points out there, let him discover your added value.
3. Never do house dates
If you start having dates in the house, you will always stay in… the house. Granted we are in a recession, but work it out, because when you’re first dating someone it is good to see how they interact with not only you, but the public as well. Blockbuster nights are cool but not exactly appropriate for the first few months of dating. You won’t be able to check your guy on romance later on, if you never started expecting it from the jump.
NEVER?? So I’m suppose to wait 2-3 months before a movie night or dinner for two at home? Now I understand it’s good to see how they interact in public, but I don’t necessarily need 3 months to figure that out. And dinner and a movie at the house is a nice change of scenery from always going out and can be very romantic. I also don’t expect either one of us to go broke trying to hang out in public all the time… #justsaying
4. Never pressure him into introducing you to friends/family
Why do you want to get to know Tyrone when you’re still getting to know your man? Guys will allow you meet his boys, his mama or his daughter when they feel comfortable. Most guys feel that bringing a new woman into their “other world” is a major move, and pressing the issue will only cause them to retreat. Realize you’ve been around for a few weeks, and these people have been in his life for much longer. Don’t force the issue; you risk losing the sincerity of the introduction.
5. Never try to control anything but yourself.
When things don’t go the way we want, a few of us go-getters will try to control and manipulate the situation so that it makes more sense to us. When getting to know someone and building a foundation, reach that level of maturity that allows you to know that what will be done will be done, and you can only control how you react. That isn’t to say just put up with just anything, but knowing you can’t change anyone is important. When it’s all said and done, you can only change your own perspective and actions.
LADIES, READ THE HEADING OVER AND OVER AND OVER….no one ever wants to admit it, but most of us want to be in control. And NO, you can’t change a man, so please get that idea out of your head!
6. Never apologize for having standards
Standards are essential; they ward off all the losers. Whether your standards are high or specific make no apologies for them, it is okay to want what you want. What you accept from him in the beginning is what you will have to continually tolerate. Period.
We so often feel like we need to compromise ourselves in order to get what we think we need at the moment!! DON’T!!! Always leave room for compromise and be a little more open to allow yourself the opportunity to meet people you might not have met in different circumstances, but never change your standards for how you should be treated and what you deserve.
7. Never try to think what he is thinking
Trying to think for him, especially in the beginning, will have us lost and mistaken. A man’s mind doesn’t work like ours, and with the pressure society puts on them, more than likely their thoughts are not as love focused. Nine times out 10,what you you may think is deep and serious, he hasn’t even thought twice about. Instead of assuming and being wrong, it’s much easier to ask and discover.
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. We don’t think alike, so stop trying to figure him out!!! Just ask if you really want to know. If you’re dealing with real men, they’ll be open and honest with you.
8. Never invade his privacy
No matter how tempting or how angry you may be, don’t cross the privacy line. That means no rummaging through his drawers, peeking at his cell phone texts when he’s snoring or popping up unannounced to his crib for a “surprise visit.” Whether your intentions are good or not, invading his privacy is like putting him in a choke hold — he’ll start to feel he can’t breathe.
Ladies you know you would feel some type of way if he did the same thing! Let’s remember to treat him the way we want to be treated. It’s that simple.
9. Never tell everything
The idea of leaving something to the imagination doesn’t just apply to your attire, it also applies to your personal business. While it’s good to tell the truth, it never works in your favor to put every secret, every past relationship, every wild moment that transpired out in a dinner conversation. He may open up to you and share his heart, but please believe he’s leaving out a few details. You don’t want any big reveals early in the relationship to later be the reason he runs for the hills when something goes wrong. “She did say she slashed her ex’s tires…”
10. Never let a guy be your only activity
No matter how fun and amazingly connected you feel in the first few months, stay busy with other things. Outside of your job, there should still be other things going on, so that all your energy and time isn’t invested in your suitor to prematurely. Tying it all back to rule No. 1 — guys love a challenge, and there is nothing challenging about a woman who is up under them and always available.
If you’ve been following the blog over the past few months and/or know me, you should know how I feel about this!!! The one thing I hate is when someone gets so caught up and forget that there is a world outside the 2 of them! You had a life before him, so let’s continue to act like it because if it doesn’t last, what are you going to do???