A Diva State of Mind

This year has been one of the biggest years of growth for me. And while I’m growing and learning more about myself and what it is I hope to accomplish in life, I’ve also found myself more than ever re-evaluating my friendships and the roles people play in my life.

I think we naively believe that the people who are currently in our lives are supposed to be there forever especially if we have  known each other for years.  But I’ve come to realize the length of time that I’ve known someone doesn’t determine whether or not a true friendship really exists. Friendship, like any relationship, takes work and effort from both parties. If you’re not giving 100%, why should I?

As an only child, friendships are invaluable to me; the people in my life are the brothers and sisters I’ve never had, but when I begin to feel that my love, support, and loyalty is unappreciated and not reciprocated, my mind begins to wonder. Maybe certain people are in my life for a season and that season has or is coming to an end; maybe their roles in my life have changed.

As we get older and our priorities change, I challenge each of you think about the people in your life. Are the people you surround yourself with around for a reason, season or lifetime? Are those you consider your true friends people you can rely on in a time of need, share your biggest fears, share a life changing moment and trust to have your back?

On the flip side, do you need to take a moment and look in the mirror to determine whether or not you’re living up to your end of your friendships? We’re not all destined to be true friends; some of us will truly only hang out when it is someone’s birthday or someone we know has a cookout. And before now, that would have bothered me because I strive to develop a real relationship with everyone that I know. People used to always say the older you get the fewer friends you will have.  As uncomfortable as that has been for me to deal with in the past, I think I’m finally ok with that concept.

What do you believe to be the TRUE meaning of friendship? How’d you deal with the realization that those that were supposed to be with you for a lifetime may not be or their roles changed from what you thought it would be your life.

It’s uncomfortable admitting to someone that you like them, but it’s even more awkward when you tell your friend that you like them.  A friend of mine has been friends with this guy Phil for over five years.  People always asked her why she never considered dating him, etc.  Let’s just say circumstances didn’t allow that to happen, plus she considered him “one of the boys.”

Well recently she started to look at him in a new light. Maybe she did actually like him as more than a friend.  But that thought made her extremely uncomfortable and weighed heavy on her heart.  She wrestled with the decision to tell him and even consulted with friends to get their opinion.  The unanimous decision was to tell him, so that’s exactly what she did.  And his response “I hope that doesn’t change our friendship.  It shouldn’t be awkward because it won’t be for me.”

Although he said it wouldn’t be awkward, seeing him the next day was extremely awkward for her!  She kept her conversation short and made sure she didn’t interact with him too much.  Many people would wonder why does she feel awkward if he said things shouldn’t change; but it’s not that simple.  And here’s why:  she knows that Phil knows how she feels.   It’s one thing to like someone and keep that information to yourself.  But when they know, every time she sees him she going to think “damn, he knows how I feel about him.” 

It also becomes awkward because she doesn’t want to do anything that may overstep her boundaries as his friend and give the wrong impression.  At the same time, she can’t stop being the friend she’s always been. Otherwise, he’ll think something’s wrong.

So I pose the question to you, regardless of whether or not they like you, should you take the risk and tell your friend that you like them?  Should you take the risk of changing the dynamic of your friendship?  I’ve been told, yes because you never know how they feel and/or what could happen in the future.  You only live once.  What do you think???

I can’t help but smile every time I think about this past weekend.  I sure was exhausted come Sunday; I’m ashamed that I wasn’t able to stay awake to finish watching the playoff games….SMH!   Friday night was a “date” night with a friend of mine.  We went to see The Book of Eli(I recommend everyone go see it) and of course I had to get food afterwards.  Saturday I went to a volunteer orientation, hung out in DC during the day and went out with some people that I hadn’t spent time with in what feels like a very long time.  Sunday morning, I woke up and laid in bed all morning watching movies thanks to the plethora of options on Fios!

As simple as it sounds, I had a great time.  Everyone I was with seemed to genuinely have a great time too which made the weekend carefree and enjoyable.  Great conversation and quality time was all that was needed!

I must say that this weekend gave me insight into what should be important in our lives; the simple things in life.  Don’t let the stress of work and personal drama bring down your spirit.  When you need a break from life, go see a movie, lay in bed all day doing absolutely nothing, call up a friend to just hang out, or make your way to church Sunday morning to get a good word (cause some of us haven’t been to church in a minute; myself included)!  You’ll appreciate the time spent hanging out.  Believe me, you may be exhausted, but it’s definitely worth it.

Last week I wasn’t really feeling like myself; exhausted, wanted to stay in, low self esteem, bad attitude, etc. Something just seemed wrong and I wasn’t the person that I usual am. Usually I’m full of energy, great attitude, and eager to go out and mingle.

So this past weekend I had originally planned to have a house gathering and chill all night but that Saturday morning I woke up with a new attitude. All of a sudden I wanted to go out; I had friends coming in from out of town and it was my best friend’s birthday. And I sat in my bed trying to figure out what changed my attitude. And then it hit me, that day I was going to spend the day with the loves of my life; the friends that are my REAL friends and love me for being me! They don’t play games, they keep it real and they have always been there for me making sure I’m being me. So I spent the day being domestic, preparing a birthday dinner and getting ready for a night filled with fun and love. We hadn’t all hung out together and I was really excited to finally hang out with my friends that are here in DC and those that come down, most of them from college.

The people that I hung out with this weekend have been my rock (and a few of you were missing. You SHOULD know who you are). They give me the love and support that I need when I’m feeling down, rejuvenating my spirit. At the end of the day, they allow me to be me; there isn’t any pressure to be any other person but myself. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. They are the brothers & sisters that I never had.  I had a great weekend and I truly feel better.  My spirit has been lifted.  I hope this weekend was just the beginning of a bond that will continue for many years to come! So I want to say I LOVE YOU and thank you for being in my life!

This post may come across as petty.  It was written in response to a conversation I had with a friend through text message that really bothered me. Granted I wasn’t in a great emotional state at the time, but it did spark me to write this  post and get some things off my chest.

Growing up as an only child, I’ve always valued the friendships I’ve had.  So I always felt the need to go out of my way to make sure I kept in touch with my friends.  I consider my friends my brothers & sisters I never had growing up.

But over the years, I’ve found that people I’ve considered friends haven’t really done their part to earn that title.  Numerous times I have found myself as the person to ALWAYS call, send messages, text, etc to check up on friends to see how they are doing, if they want to hang out etc.  But if I’m not the one to keep in touch, I never hear from my so called friends.   We become more like acquaintances hanging out when everyone we know is together.  So instead of receiving text to see how I’m doing or inviting me to hang out, I receive messages like “we must not be friends…haven’t talked to you or seen you in ages” I sit there thinking to myself, why haven’t you picked up the phone to call, send a text or invite me out to chill?? Are you fingers broken? I DON’T THINK SO!

I’ll either have friends that don’t keep in touch unless I reach out or their response to everything is “well just hit me up…you know I’m around.” My question for you is, why can’t you keep in touch too? You know I’m around, so why can’t you call me and see how I’m doing??

I  sometimes get the feeling that these so called friendships I have are one sided  If you were really my friend, wouldn’t you make the effort to touch base and hang out? I make numerous efforts because I love my friends and want them in my life.  I’m not the type to like to cut people out of my life; so I can either continue reaching out hoping for things to change or I can fall back and hope my friends get a clue and realize it’s a 2 way street.  The last thing I want to do is fall back and have someone slowly disappear out of my life, but at the same time you have to earn the friendship title and it doesn’t come easily.