Two years ago I wrote the article “Yes, Women Should Carry Condoms.” That year marked the 30th anniversary of the first AIDS case. Considering HIV/AIDS cases are the highest among African America women, I thought it was important to remind women that we are in charge of our own safety. While many rely on men to carry protection, at the end of the day, we are responsible of what happens to our bodies.
Yesterday I came across an article by Chevy B titled “A“Woman” Carries Condoms. A “Lady” Doesn’t…” Chevy is big on gender roles and claims that only a “certain type” of woman carries condoms. While I agree that ladies should take their time getting know a guy before engaging in sex, I don’t agree with the idea that only a “certain type” of woman carries condoms. The article is too long to post here, so I’ll highlight some areas that I thought posed as a dangerous message to women:
The woman who carries around condoms is known as “Ms. Ready, Willing & Able” or a “Jump Off” because a female carrying around condoms gives off the impression that she is ready, willing, and able to jump on/off of any guy at any given time. No patience, no restraint, no value!!! Sex should be given to a man once he’s earned that privilege. Once that privilege is earned, he knows better than to show up unprepared. A responsible adult male doesn’t need a woman’s assistance when it comes to carrying condoms… believe me!!! Sex is on his brain all day and all night; He will be prepared!
Jump off- A female who’s ready, willing, able to have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone just for thrills.
A prostitute carries condoms everywhere she goes because sex is what she does for a living, and she has to protect herself from HIV/AIDS/STDs & pregnancy from the random men she sleeps with. It’s literally “her” job to make sure she is protected because the men approaching her care nothing about her health, and clearly they care nothing about their own if they’re willing to sleep with a prostitute. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense for a prostitute to carry around condoms on a regular basis.
A woman carrying condoms is a huge reflection of her character. It’s far deeper than “I want to be safe”. It’s symbolic of impatience, ambiguity, and promiscuity. Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, 1st Lady Serita Jakes, and hopefully your mother are less likely to carry condoms because they are ladies of strong character, good morals, values, and principles. They respect their bodies, their families, and their reputation enough to have sex “exclusively” with the man they married. Buffie Da Body, Lil Kim, and Remy Ma… on the other hand are more likely to carry around condoms because they exhibit poor character, and lack a good set of morals, values, and principles.
What about a man who carries condoms? Does that make him a jump-off too?? There are plenty of guys walking around with condoms in their pocket but I don’t hear anyone calling them jump-offs. That’s right, that is part of being a man. Talk about a double standard!!! SMDH!!!
I agree sex should be given to a man once he’s earned the privilege, but just because he has earned that privilege does not mean women should rely solely on him to be responsible. What if he forgets? What if two people in a committed relationship decide to have “surprise sex” and he doesn’t have a condom? Both parties engaging in sex should be prepared at all times!
Junior year I moved into my own apartment and my dad gave me a small box of condoms. Believe me, I was NOT getting it in, but my dad wanted to stress the importance of being safe and protecting myself. Does that make me a jump-off because I had them?
In a perfect world, people would not have sex until they were married. But guess what, it is 2013 and people are having sex before marriage. It is dangerous to tell women they are jump-offs if they have condoms. It’s an offensive way to say that women should not be responsible for protecting their bodies if they decide to have sex. Just because one is in a committed relationship DOES NOT mean their partner is always going to do the right thing.
Many men have argued that women who have condoms are looked down on; they aren’t the marrying kind. Maybe those men are insecure, because I would think any GROWN man would appreciate a woman being just as responsible as he is when it comes to having safe sex.
You can read the entire article HERE. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section!
February 22nd, 2013 on 4:50 pm
Thanks for the response to that entry. I read it also and I was highly disappointed. It was dripping with sexism and misogyny. I wrote a blog entry about making your actions align with your goal. I assume that his goal was to enlighten women as to what many men assume when they realize you carry condoms or have a condom stash. HOWEVER, the tone and language of the writing didn’t seem to invite a mature conversation on the matter. It seems to divide us as women. Putting the so called “ladies” on one side and pinning them against those who chose to have their own protection and labeling them with negative terms such as “jump-off and fast”. So his goal and action to achieve the goal were totally out of alignment. What even further disturbed me was that once the disagreeing comments came in he took to Twitter condemning those who didn’t agree with him as being “guilty” or as “haters”. This seems so out of character for one who labels himself as a life & relationship coach. Many of his tweets I love but seem to contradict at times. I would love to have a real convo with him. Coach to coach
February 22nd, 2013 on 5:17 pm
I would love for someone to have a real conversation with him. Someone retweeted some of his tweets yesterday which caught my attention. I responded to one of them but he never relied. How does a “relationship & life” coach give such sexist and misogynistic advice??